#so i'm in the process of wrestling with how to.. make it that again for myself

[desalvar]

ayo i'm not dead!

[rafesbuzzcutseason]

chasing city lights

chapter 16 - did i mean nothing?

synopsis: you move to new york to start fresh, hoping to find comfort in the city’s atmosphere. that’s when you meet sarah cameron, where she takes you to a concert and you catch sight of the lead band member, rafe cameron. it only takes a moment for you to realize you’re captivated by him. as sarah helps you navigate your new life in the city, you start to get pulled deeper into rafe's world—the music, the fame, the chaos. the more you get to know him, the more you realise that rafe is not just the rock star he seems to be. he’s wrestling with his own demons, and the last thing he needs is someone like you getting close.

masterlist

cw: language, angst

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the cold night air hit your tear streaked face as sarah, cleo and kie led you out the club.

"hey it's okay, you don't need to stay and watch that bullshit. what a great fucking friend cara is." sarah spoke.

"i didn't like her as soon as i met her" cleo mentioned.

"not right now cleo." kie shushed her. "look, it was all from her side right? rafe wasn't doing anything or initiating anything back so everything is ok i promise." she said, wiping your tears.

"i know you're right" you agreed, "i just can't believe she would do this. i don't understand."

"she's a cunt is what she is." sarah firmly said, earning a small smile from you. "i'm sending her home first thing tomorrow. i'll pay for her flight."

"no sarah stop."

"i'm serious, don't want her anywhere near you or us or him."

"oh fuck." cleo said, panic overtaking her face.

"what?" you mumbled, your heart racing at her distress.

"i am so sorry y/n," cleo whispered.

"cleo." your stomach dropping, "what is it?"

she turned her phone around and your heart dropped at the screen. rafe and cara face to face, lips almost touching. there was no denying the photo.

"oh my god" your voice fell, tears threatening to fall again.

the girls said nothing, but rubbed your back as you sobbed on the side of the pavement. no words could describe the way you were feeling.

"lets get you home y/n, i'll take you to mine." sarah finally spoke.

after a long, silent taxi ride home, you got out the car and straight into sarah's bed, tears not stopping.

you felt drained, your chest aching. the girls had tried everything to distract you, but you couldn't stop staring at the photo, like staring at it long enough would make it disappear.

but it wouldn't. it was real.

you couldn't process that rafe would do this to you. the boy who had loved you, written songs about you, confessed his deepest issues to you, trusted you. how could he have let this happen? did the last 8 months mean nothing to him?

"okay no more of that." sarah said, taking the phone out of your hands. "do you really think he would do that to you? i mean the photo isn't clear, he could've been talking to her?"

"come on sarah. you saw them together too." you mumbled.

"i just don't get it. he is so in love with you." she replied.

"cleary not." you huffed.

"that's not true and you know it." kie said.

"he told me i was different. that he'd never felt this way before." you spoke as the tears falling again. "i don't know what to do."

"look, we don't know the full story ok? there is nothing we can do." cleo chimed in. "i know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you're going to be okay."

"and i swear to god, when you're ready, we'll make sure they regret this." kie stated.

you swallowed hard. regret. did rafe even feel regret? did cara? or were they still at the club, laughing, dancing, kissing, like none of this even mattered?

your stomach twisted. did you even matter?

sarah must’ve sensed the storm in your head because she gently took your hand, squeezing it. “don’t do that. don’t let them make you feel like you weren’t enough. they weren’t enough for you.”

you let out a bitter laugh, eyes still glossy. “then why does it feel like i’m the one who lost everything?”

kie sighed. “because you’re a good person y/n. and they’re not.”

you wanted to believe that. you really did.

instead, all you could do was lie there, staring at the ceiling, trying to breathe through the pain.

because no matter how much your friends reassured you, one thought haunted you.

rafe had promised forever,

and forever had ended with a single photo.

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a/n: sorry guys😩 you all knew it was coming

taglist: @hoefordrewstarkey @marleymarleymarleymarley @bee-43 @cherryhoneybabe @skye-44 @drewrry @drewrry  @yesterdaysproblemm @pogueprincesa @dylsdaily @rafeysworldim19 @valyrianflower @kaiparkerwifes@judesgfirl@4urvalidation @chillgal135 @drewstarkeyslover @yesshewrites1 @amterasuu@babykhloutofthisworld@blushmimi  @moonywhisp3rs @rafeysworldim19 @marleymarleymarleymarley @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account@vcnillafairy@bambii1i @sammyrenae68 @kittenjujusblog @bambii1i @thesunflowersociety @wtfdudesblog

[pressureplus]

I actually have this request in my head for a while now... but I'm not sure if you be up to do it so thank to let me know if you will do it or not. Fem! Reader who is happily married and live together with Sebastian (when he still human). Until, Sebastian was arrested and sentence to dead. Reader found no long after his dead that she was pregnant. Years later, Sebastian manage to escape Hadal Blacksite probably very injured in the process. He was soon spotted by the kid that look similar to his human self (the kid probably be now close to be a teenager now), as the kid call up their mother. Sebastian was shocked to see his wife come to view.

I'm looking 👀

Love this dramatic shit, I'm SO here for it!

I'm going to be referring to your son as S/N, so y'all can name your boy yourselves! (I'm real interested in the stuff you might choose, so if you wanna put them in the replies, I'd love to see your baby names!)

Smaller Hands

Pairing: Sebastian Solace x Fem!Reader

Au: [Unnamed]

Warnings: Mentions of Pregnancy, an Absent Father, injury, and Imprisonment

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

He had been running a very long time before he got to where he was now.

Escaping the Blacksite was only the beginning of his long, long journey home. He had wrestled himself from the depths of the deep ocean and fought his way all the way up to the light far, far above him.

Breaking through the surface of the water had provided him with a hope he never thought he'd see truly grow into something he could really hold. Sunlight and open air and a horizon that stretched endlessly in every direction... Sebastian hadn't known freedom in over 10 years, but there it was.

The way the natural light caught the glint of his wedding ring had him already tearing through the water with a grin, energy back in his tired body. It certainly wasn't his original ring, no, that one wouldn't fit on his new, much larger hand anymore, but the replacement that he got so he could wear a ring on his hand and not just as a pendant was enough of a visual reminder of his love, sending him treading the water the way this body was made to do. He had to get to his wife.

He had to see his Y/N again. That's always what his efforts were for.

It was days before he even reached a beach, and weeks of dragging himself through the shadows and the alleyways, keeping himself out of sight. He would squint at road maps and try to figure out how he was going to get himself home, not very well able to get on the public transport or drive himself there with a body like this. He had to be more than a little creative with how he was going to cross the countless miles between his lover and himself if he wanted to make it there at all. He'd spend his seemingly endless days hopping trains and swimming rivers just to close the distance faster, like it may wash away the last decade he's had to go without her.

Sebastian could only hope she waited for him, though those chances were next to none. She had been there the day he was 'executed', watching him get taken back to the chair that was supposed to put his story to its end. She has every right and reason to think he died that day, and he could never be angry or upset if she decided she still needed to be held the way his other hands used to hold her... Would these hands even fit her anymore? They'd outgrown his first ring... Would they be too big to hold hers anymore? The painful thought was a reoccurring one, and it plagued every dream he had in the moments he would manage to rest.

He's nearing his old cottage now, beaten and scarred from the long trip home, more than a little bit tired and definitely hungry. He's barely going to make it if he manages to get to the doorstep at all, but more thankful than ever he'd made his home with her outside of the city and out into the woods so he might have a moment to his thoughts. He could very well find her with another man, or he could find a completely new family, or even find nothing but flowers and trees- The life that he made with her could be all but ashes on a breeze that swept this place years ago. She could be a memory and this could all be for nothing just as easily as anything else. He wouldn't even have a right to be angry... He wouldn't even feel a right to cry if she's decided to move on.

"SNAKE MAN! SNAKE MAN!!!"

He's shaken from his pondering by an unfamiliar voice, a starry eyed child fumbling out of the bushes like a little animal.

He nearly panics and flees before the brave, feral little boy reaches out for his hand and looks up at him like something right out of a story book- Which, he supposed may be fair given the way that he looks now.

"Are you a forest monster!? Do you grant wishes and eat people and stuff?!" It's clear the boy doesn't know fear, young and small still, with new eyes... But familiar ones.

Sebastian's heart drops into his stomach when he begins to recognize the thick, dark hair and deep brown eyes. This boy is the spitting image of the way he looked when he was around 10 or 11... It's like he's been pulled right from Sebastian's old childhood photos.

Too dumbfounded to speak, Sebastian stands there, every muscle in his body tense while his eyes flick around the boy's face trying to figure out how this could be.

"S/N! What are you doing talking to strangers, you were supposed to be at least playing in the yard and not the woods before the sun started setting." Y/N rounds the trees with a stubborn look on her face and immediately freezes when her gaze meets Sebastian's.

The air is knocked out of the both of them, leaving them only able to stare, and he notes the way she's remained nearly the same as the day that he was forced to leave her behind. Like a flower that never wilts, she stands as beautiful and as amazing as she was when he had first met her. Frozen with an expression he can't place, she makes no motion to do anything at all. The larger man acts first at the realization she must be frightened of him, going to put his two unheld hands up and open his mouth to explain himself-

"You said not to talk to strangers, this is CLEARLY a forest monster." Little S/N beats both of them to the punch and confirms to Sebastian all at once that his attitude is as strong in his blood as that unruly dark hair is.

"Heed your mother, would you? I could very well eat you." Sebastian ushers the child forward with a playful threat, the boy in reference pouting and looking back up at him.

"Come on, I'm only out a little bit late! It's not dark yet! Monsters only eat people in the dark." The boy argues, unfamiliar with the idea of real danger, it seems, but certain of himself the way only children really can be.

"Sebastian I can't believe it... Is it you? Am I losing my mind?" Putting the scolding and corrections on her son's statements off for a better time, Y/N looks up at the mutated form of her lover, hoping she might be right. When Y/N speaks, it's soft and uncertain, a hand going to rest on her child's shoulder so as not to lose him while she's distracted.

"You recognize me?" His heart practically jumps into his throat and he struggles to cope with how quickly she's guessed it was him.

"If not for the way one soul knows another, then for your voice and... Our ring." Unafraid just as well, she walks right up to the towering creature and brings her hand up to the necklace it's strung onto around his neck.

"Am I too late?" Sebastian asks, still scared.

"You're late, but never too much. You had better come home now though." She gets firm near the end and he laughs, melting.

"Awe that's no fair! I'm in trouble for being a few minutes late and he gets to be gone forever!" The boy whines and Y/N seems to laugh when she ruffles his hair.

"You can be out of trouble because it's a special day. Now, let's go home and get you to bed." Y/N's eyes stray back up to her husband, the fondness that was there in those beautiful eyes he fell in love with was something that had grown blurry and hard to recall until now. The way her gaze rested on him so softly brought him back like he'd never left in the first place.

"I think I have some things to talk about with your monster, here." She smiles at him and goes to slide her hand into his, the cold feeling against his palm of her own ring -the matching one to his from the promise that they'd made at that altar a long time ago- made him feel warm again, and made him feel alive.

"Yes, I've got a lot of things I've been waiting to tell her for these years we've spent apart."

[stylesispunk]

Silent Strain | Part iii

Outbreak! Joel Miller x f!reader

previous part | next part

chapter summary: Joel is afraid of letting you out of his sight and you were afraid of him slipping away.

w.c: 16k> (it was going to be 8k but this happened)

warnings: angst, mentions of panic attack, fluff. no proofreading. Probably some things won't make sense, but I felt pressured and I had to post this chapter.

a/n: hello! Last fic I posted didn't go how I expected but here's another chapter of this series. I hope you like this chapter and PLEASE share your thoughts with me. Reblogs and comments are always appreciated. Happy reading 💌

dividers by @/saradika-graphics

As the first gloomy light of morning crept through the window, Joel felt like he could finally breathe again. The soft, grey dawn brought with it a sense of calm that the night had cruelly stolen away. He didn’t fear the darkness itself; he'd learned long ago to live within its shadows, but he feared the memories that the darkness brought to him. The loss, the crying, the desperation... and the blood.

The thought of losing another child, and losing you in the process, cracked the rough surface he had been hiding behind for so many years. It was too much; it was too familiar. As much as he tried to stay strong, the fear had gnawed at him, tearing at the fragile walls he had built around his heart.

Your breathing had steadied, though the pain had not fully subsided. He could feel your heartbeat against his chest, uneven but there, steadying his own frantic pulse. He had held you tighter, his own breath coming in ragged, uneven gasps, trying to stay calm for you, for the baby.

After the scare from last night, Joel had held you close, his arms wrapped tightly around you, his face buried in your hair. He whispered softly; words meant to soothe you but also to keep his own panic at bay. "It's okay, darlin'. I'm here. Just breathe. Stay with me…"

The hours had dragged on, and every flicker of discomfort on your face sent a fresh wave of panic through him. He hadn't let himself sleep, afraid that if he closed his eyes, he might wake up to another nightmare.

Now, in the pale morning light, Joel watched you. Your eyes were closed, but your breathing was calm and even, a welcome change from the strained, pained gasps that had filled the room only hours before. He stroked a thumb gently along your arm, his touch feather-light, afraid of disturbing you but needing the contact to ground himself.

Ellie, who had kept a worried vigil nearby, finally stirred awake. She glanced over and saw Joel watching you, the lines of tension still etched into his face.

"Is… is she okay?" Ellie whispered, moving closer, her eyes wide with concern.

Joel nodded slowly, his voice barely a murmur. "Yeah, I think… I don’t know.”

Ellie let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. "God, Joel, you looked so scared," she admitted, trying to lighten the mood, though her voice was shaky. "I’ve never seen you like that."

Joel’s lips twitched into a faint, weary smile. "Guess I'm getting soft, huh?"

Ellie leaned against the wall, watching him carefully. "That isn’t bad thing," she muttered, her eyes flicking over to you. “She needs you.”

Joel’s gaze softened, his eyes returning to you, still sleeping peacefully. Then, his gaze went to Ellie’s again.

“Ellie, can you take care of her for a moment?”

Ellie nodded, confused as Joel stood up, walking towards the door without saying a word to her.

Joel's steps were heavy, each one echoing softly in the quiet room. He reached the door and paused for a moment, his hand resting on the rough wood. His shoulders were tense, his head slightly bowed as if wrestling with some invisible weight.

Ellie watched him, frowning. "Joel?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Where are you going?"

He didn't turn around, didn't meet her gaze. "Just… need a minute," he replied, his tone low and strained. "I'll be back soon."

Ellie’s eyes flicked back to you, still resting, and then back to Joel. “She’s gonna wake up and ask for you,” she said, her voice gentle, but firm. "You sure you’re, okay?"

Joel nodded, though his movements were stiff, almost mechanical. "Yeah," he muttered, though he didn’t sound convinced. “I just need some air."

With that, he slipped out the door, the cold morning air rushing in as he opened it. He took a deep breath, feeling the sharp chill hit his lungs, grounding him momentarily. He stepped outside, letting the door close quietly behind him.

He stood there, just outside, his breath visible in the cold air, his mind racing. The panic from the night before still clung to him, like a dark shadow that refused to leave. His hands trembled slightly as he ran them through his hair, trying to calm himself down.

He couldn't shake the image of you in pain, the fear in your eyes, the blood on your hands. It felt like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from, a terrifying reminder of all the things he couldn't control, all the people he couldn't protect.

He closed his eyes, leaning against the wall of the house, his breathing coming in short, uneven bursts. He pressed his hands against his chest, trying to steady his heart, but the memories wouldn't let him rest. Memories of Sarah, of the pain of losing her, of the years spent hardening himself against that same pain.

And now, here he was again, facing the possibility of losing someone he cared about more than he wanted to admit.

"Come on, Joel," she muttered under her breath, killing the silence on Joel’s mind.

“Go back inside” he said.

Ellie jumped slightly at his words, her eyes darting to Joel. She could see the tightness in his shoulders, the tension in his jaw. For a moment, she considered arguing, but something in his voice stopped her. There was a rawness there, a plea she hadn’t heard before.

“Joel…” she started, her voice softer now, more careful.

His eyes flicked to hers, the pain clear, almost palpable. “Ellie, just… go back inside,” he repeated, his tone almost breaking. “Please.”

She hesitated, biting her lip, before nodding “You know it’s not your fault.”

Joel's face tightened at Ellie's words, his jaw clenching as if he was holding back a torrent of emotion. He shook his head, looking away for a moment, his gaze hard and distant, lost in anger and regret.

“I dragged her here,” he muttered, his voice rough and strained. “Knowing her state, knowing what could happen… I should’ve left her behind. Should’ve kept her safe.”

Ellie took a step closer, her own face a mix of frustration and empathy. “But you didn’t,” she argued softly. “Because you knew she’d never forgive you if you did. She wanted to be with you, Joel.”

He looked back at her, his eyes narrowing slightly as if weighing her words. “It doesn’t matter,” he replied, his voice a little louder now, a little more forceful. “I still made the call. I still put her in danger.”

Ellie shook her head. “You’re doing everything you can to protect her. You think she doesn’t know that?” She took another step closer, her tone firmer. “She trusts you, Joel. She believes in you. And… so do I.”

For a moment, Joel’s expression softened, the harsh lines of his face easing slightly. But then he closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath, as if trying to steady himself. “I don’t know if that’s enough, kid,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

Ellie sighed, glancing back at the door. “It has to be,” she said. “Because she needs you now more than ever. And you’re the one who’s gonna keep her safe.”

Joel let out a long, shaky breath, his shoulders slumping as if a weight had settled on them. He looked at Ellie, his expression caught between determination and fear. "Yeah… I hope you're right," he murmured, almost to himself.

Ellie reached out, touching his arm gently, a rare moment of softness between them. “Just… don’t beat yourself up too much, alright?” she said, her voice low. “She’s gonna need you to be strong for her. And so am I.”

Joel and Ellie stepped quietly back inside the house, the dim light from the early morning casting long shadows across the walls. Joel's eyes immediately moved to you, lying on the couch, your face still and peaceful in sleep. For a brief moment, he felt a strange calm settle over him, just seeing you safe, resting.

But as if sensing their presence, you began to stir. Your eyes fluttered open slowly, adjusting to the dim light. The ache in your body was still there, a dull throb in your stomach, but the sharp pain had subsided, leaving only a sense of heaviness. You blinked a few times, your gaze settling on Joel and Ellie as they stood by the door, both looking back at you with relief.

“Hey…” you murmured; your voice raspy with sleep. You tried to push yourself up, but Joel was by your side in an instant, his hands gently helping you to sit up. His touch was careful, as if he was afraid you might break.

“Take it easy,” he whispered, his voice low and soothing.

You nodded, wincing slightly as you adjusted yourself. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… I just…” Your voice trailed off, and you swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “I’m okay, really.”

Ellie stepped closer, her eyes wide with concern, but there was a hint of a teasing smile on her lips. “You better be, ‘cause I don’t think I can handle Joel being that freaked out again,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

You chuckled softly, a weak smile spreading across your face. “Guess I gave you both a bit of a scare, huh?”

Joel’s expression softened, his thumb gently brushing against the back of your hand. “Yeah, you could say that,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

He didn’t meet you gaze, and you know damn well what that meant. You noticed the way his eyes seemed to avoid yours, his gaze fixed on some invisible point in the room. His thumb kept moving over the back of your hand, but there was a tightness in his jaw, a hesitation in his posture that made your heart ache.

“Ellie,” you said softly, turning your head toward her. She paused, halfway through rummaging in the supply bag, her eyes darting between you and Joel. “Could you… give us a minute?”

Ellie hesitated, her gaze lingering on Joel for a moment, and then on you. She seemed to understand that something more needed to be said between the two of you. She nodded slowly, trying to mask her concern with a casual shrug. "Yeah, sure," she muttered, trying to play it cool, even as her curiosity buzzed beneath the surface. “I’ll, uh, go check on the weather or something.”

She grabbed her jacket, slinging it over her shoulders and headed toward the door. “But if I hear any yelling, I’m coming back in,” she added with a small grin, trying to lighten the mood before she slipped out the door, leaving the two of you alone.

The room was suddenly much quieter without Ellie’s presence. The only sounds were the crackling of the dying fire and the distant, muted wind outside. You turned back to Joel, your eyes searching his face. He still wasn’t looking at you, his thumb still moving in that steady rhythm against your hand.

“Joel,” you whispered, trying to draw his gaze back to yours. "Look at me."

He hesitated, his shoulders tense, but finally, he lifted his eyes to meet yours. You could see the conflict there, the worry, the guilt. “What is it?” you asked gently. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

He took a deep breath, his jaw clenching for a moment before he spoke. "I… I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “For all of it. For dragging you out here, for… putting you in danger."

You shook your head, squeezing his hand. “Joel, I made that choice. I knew what I was getting into.”

He shook his head, his eyes dropping again, filled with that familiar guilt. “No… you didn’t. Not really,” he muttered.

You reached up, cupping his cheek with your free hand, forcing him to look at you again. “Joel, stop,” you said firmly, your voice steady. “Nothing is going to happen to us. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”

He closed his eyes, taking a shuddering breath. “I’m just… I’m so damn scared,” he confessed, his voice breaking slightly. "Of losing you. Of losing another…"

You felt a lump form in your throat, understanding the weight of his words, the depth of his fear. You leaned closer, pressing your forehead against his, your voice soft.

“Joel, the baby is okay,” you reassured him softly, hoping your words would ease some of the fear you saw in his eyes. "I can feel it."

He shook his head slightly, his gaze dropping to the floor. “How do you know?” he asked, his voice low and rough. There was a tremor in it, a crack that revealed the depth of his concern. “How do you know when we’re out here, and everything’s…” He trailed off, his breath hitching.

You swallowed, trying to find the right words, to offer him some kind of comfort. “I just do,” you whispered, moving closer to him. “I can feel it. Maybe it’s just… a mother’s instinct. But I believe it, Joel. I feel like… this baby is strong.”

Joel's eyes softened at your words, but the fear still lingered there, heavy and ever-present. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he tried to steady himself. His hand moved to rest on your stomach, his palm pressing gently against the swell. He closed his eyes, as if trying to feel what you felt, to believe in what you were saying.

“Strong,” he repeated softly, almost like he was testing the word, trying it out to see if it fit. "I hope so… I really do."

You placed your hand over his, squeezing it lightly. “I know so,” you assured him, your voice unwavering. “I know it’s a little tiny thing but..I feel it.”

He exhaled slowly; his breath warm against your cheek. “I want to believe you,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. "I do."

“Then believe me,” you urged, your thumb brushing against his cheek in a soothing motion. “We’ve made it this far, right? We’re almost there, Joel… we just need to hold on a little longer.”

He nodded, a small, reluctant smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Yeah,”

For a moment, the room was silent except for the crackling of the fire and the faint sound of the wind outside. Joel finally met your gaze again, a mix of hope and fear in his eyes. "I’ve lost so much,” he confessed, his voice thick with emotion. “I can’t… I can’t lose you, too.”

Your heart ached at his words, understanding the depth of his pain. You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, trying to pour all the reassurance you could into that touch. "You won't," you whispered against his mouth. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

He kissed your back, a little more desperately this time, as if he were afraid you might disappear. You held him close, feeling his body tremble slightly against yours, his breath coming in shallow, ragged bursts.

Ellie pushed the door open, her footsteps echoing in the quiet room. She froze mid-step, her eyes wide as she took in the sight of you and Joel, wrapped in each other's arms, lips just parting from the kiss. Her face scrunched up in mock disgust, and she rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Ugh, seriously?” she groaned, putting her hands on her hips. “If you two wanted to get all mushy, you could’ve at least sent me away or something. Or, I don’t know, given me a warning!”

Joel pulled back, a faint blush creeping up his neck. He coughed, trying to mask the embarrassment with a stern look. “Ellie,” he started, his voice gruff, but she just waved him off.

“No, no, it’s fine," she said with a playful grin, "I mean, I get it… the world’s falling apart, and you’re all about the dramatic declarations of love. But can you keep it PG for the kid in the room?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, the tension of the moment breaking as you met Ellie’s teasing gaze. “Sorry, Ellie,” you chuckled.

She rolled her eyes again but smiled, moving to sit on the edge of the bed beside you. "Yeah, yeah. Just… don't make me an unwilling participant in your cheesy romance, okay?" She paused, glancing between the two of you, her expression softening just a bit. "But… I’m glad you’re both okay.”

Joel shook his head, a small, reluctant smile forming on his lips. "We’re okay, kiddo," he replied softly, his voice still carrying a hint of emotion. "We’re all okay."

Ellie grinned, nudging Joel lightly with her shoulder. “Good,” she muttered, “'Cause I need both of you.”

You and Joel exchanged amused glances, and for a moment, the heaviness in the room seemed to lift, replaced by a sense of warmth and comfort in knowing you were all still together, facing whatever came next.

Four months had passed since that tense night, and winter had settled in with a cold grip. The once vibrant landscape had transformed into a stark, snowy expanse. You, now seven months pregnant, felt the weight of your journey more than ever, but the quiet strength of Joel and Ellie beside you made the harsh conditions more bearable.

Now seven months pregnant, you felt the weight of it all pressing down on you, not just the baby growing inside, but the miles you had trudged through the wilderness. Your feet ached, your back was sore, and your hands were red and raw from the cold. Yet, the quiet strength of Joel and Ellie beside you made the harsh conditions somehow more bearable. Joel, ever watchful, kept close, his eyes always scanning the horizon for any sign of danger, his presence a constant comfort. Ellie, with her relentless spirit, kept the mood light with her jokes and sarcastic comments, doing her best to distract you from the relentless chill.

The trio of you had walked through miles of frost-covered terrain, the snow crunching beneath your boots. Each step was a reminder of how far you had come and how much further you still had to go. Wyoming was just ahead, a small but significant milestone in your quest for safety and a future.

Joel trudged ahead, his face set in determined lines, but every now and then he would glance back at you, making sure you were okay. He had taken to carrying a small pack with supplies, his concern for you palpable. Ellie, now a bit more grown and experienced, walked close by, occasionally breaking the silence with a joke or a comment, trying to keep your spirits up.

You looked at Joel’s profile, his face partially hid the fear on his bones and despite his gruff exterior, he had become your rock through this tumultuous journey. You had come to rely on his strength and his soft, rare moments of tenderness.

December 1st

“Winter has arrived with a vengeance. The cold is biting, and our progress has slowed. We’re staying in an old barn for the night, huddled together to keep warm. Joel’s been making sure the fire stays lit, while Ellie tries to make the best of our situation.

I can feel the baby kicking more strongly now. It’s a constant reminder of why we’re enduring all of this. Joel’s been more attentive, though still guarded. He’s trying so hard to protect us, and I wish he could see that his presence alone is enough.

The snow makes everything look different. Almost beautiful, in a way that feels wrong given the world we’re living in. We made camp in a small cabin tonight. Joel found some firewood, and Ellie kept herself busy by trying to make soup out of what little we had. She’s worried about me, even though she pretends not to be. I can see it in the way she watches me, like she’s waiting for something to happen. Joel, too, keeps his eyes on me, never letting me stray too far. I think he’s afraid, maybe more than he’ll ever admit.

The baby’s been kicking more. It’s a strange feeling, like little taps from the inside, reminding me that there’s something good in this world. Something worth fighting for.”

The cold wind whipped around you, making it difficult to see very far ahead. Joel motioned for a short break, and you gratefully lowered yourself onto a nearby snow-covered log. Ellie quickly dug out some snacks and hot drinks from her pack, her hands red and numb from the cold.

“Here,” she said, handing you a steaming cup. “This should help warm you up.”

You took the cup gratefully, savoring the warmth as it seeped into your fingers and then your body. “Thanks, Ellie,” you said, smiling. “I don’t know how we’d have made it without you.”

Ellie shrugged; her cheeks flushed from the cold. “Just doing my part,” she said with a wink. “And keeping you guys from going completely crazy.”

Joel joined you, taking a seat beside you and offering you a small piece of dried fruit. “We’re almost there,” he said, his voice softer than usual. “Just a bit further, and we’ll be in Wyoming.”

You nodded, taking comfort in his words. “I know,” you replied. “It’s just... sometimes it feels like it’s never going to end.”

Joel’s hand reached out, gently resting on your knee for a few minutes to provide the comfort he knew you needed.

As you made your way through the snow-covered terrain, the excitement of nearing Wyoming provided a much-needed boost. Joel’s usual calm demeanor had been unwavering through most of the journey, but today, there was an underlying tension in his movements that you and Ellie didn’t immediately notice.

Joel’s breaths were more rapid and shallow, though he tried to mask it behind a determined facade. He kept a firm grip on his pack and occasionally glanced around with a slightly strained look. His face, though mostly hidden by his scarf, betrayed signs of an inner struggle that he wasn’t quite ready to share.

Ellie’s voice broke the silence, sharp and unfiltered as always.

"Are you dying?" she asked, half-joking but with an edge of genuine concern. She was walking beside you, her eyes narrowed at Joel, who hadn’t slowed his pace despite the obvious tension in his movements.

Joel grunted, his response delayed as he adjusted the pack on his shoulder. "No," he said curtly, his breath coming out in visible puffs in the cold air. "I’m fine."

"You don’t look fine," Ellie pressed, glancing at you as if seeking backup. "You’re all... sweaty and weird."

You frowned, watching Joel carefully now. Ellie wasn’t wrong—there was something off about him today. The way his shoulders hunched, his steps just a bit too heavy, like he was pushing through something. He had been quiet, more so than usual, and you could sense the strain behind his eyes whenever he glanced back at you.

"Joel?" you asked, your voice softer than Ellie’s but carrying the same concern. "What’s going on?"

He slowed his steps, finally stopping to catch his breath. His hand went to his side, rubbing it briefly before he straightened up, avoiding eye contact. "It’s nothin’," he muttered, though his voice lacked its usual strength. "Just... pushin' too hard today. We’re close, is all. No time to slow down."

Ellie crossed her arms, her eyes flicking between you and Joel with a skeptical look. "Right," she said, not convinced. "You’re not dying, but you’re also... not dying?"

Joel shot her a look that could’ve silenced most people, but not Ellie. "I said I’m fine."

You stepped closer to him, concern outweighing your hesitation. "Joel, you need to tell us if something’s wrong. You can’t carry this all by yourself."

He exhaled through his nose, the stubbornness etched in his expression softening for just a moment. "I’ll be alright," he said, though now his voice was quieter, less defensive. "Just... need a minute. We’ll keep movin’ after that."

Ellie threw her hands up. "Well, that’s reassuring," she muttered, but you could tell the worry hadn’t left her eyes.

You stayed close to Joel, watching him as he tried to steady his breathing, his hands resting on his knees for support. The tension that had been building inside you all day finally surfaced, the reality of how much you were relying on him pressing down on you. But even now, as he struggled, he was still trying to protect you both.

Joel glanced up at you, catching your gaze, and for a brief second, his walls dropped. There it was—the vulnerability he was so good at hiding, but not today. Not from you.

“I want to rest for a bit” you said, placing your hand over your swollen belly. You needed the rest, but you also wanted to force Joel to slow down a bit.

Joel’s eyes flicked down to your hand resting on your belly, then back up to meet your gaze. His expression softened, the usual stubborn resistance he wore melting away for a moment. He sighed, clearly torn between pushing forward and giving in to the obvious need for a break. You could see the struggle in him—the need to keep going, to get you all to safety—but he couldn’t deny the toll it was taking on both of you.

"Yeah, alright," he muttered, standing upright and scanning the area. "We’ll rest."

Ellie, who had been quietly watching the exchange, gave a slight huff of relief. "Finally," she said, throwing her pack down onto the snow and plopping down next to it. She stretched her legs out in front of her, rubbing her hands together for warmth. "You both needed this."

You nodded, grateful for the pause, though your focus remained on Joel. He had been pushing himself too hard, and the weight of that knowledge gnawed at you. It wasn’t just about the miles or the cold—it was the responsibility, the fear of what would happen if he couldn’t protect you both. You were carrying a life inside of you, and while you knew Joel would never admit it, that added an extra layer of pressure on him.

Joel knelt down beside you, his eyes still scanning the landscape as though danger could appear at any moment. "We won’t stay long," he said, his voice low. "Just enough time to catch our breath."

But it wasn’t true.

As night wore in, Joel had begun gathering wood for a fire, his movements stiff from the weight he carried, not just the physical strain but the burden of keeping you all safe. You watched him silently, your breath visible in the cold night air, as he crouched near a small clearing, arranging the branches and kindling with expert precision. The flicker of the firelight cast long shadows across his face, highlighting the tension in his jaw.

Ellie sat nearby, uncharacteristically quiet, watching Joel with a mixture of curiosity and concern. She hugged her knees to her chest, her usual stream of sarcastic comments absent for now. The cold seemed to have silenced her usual banter, or maybe she was just tired, like the rest of you.

Joel caught your gaze from across the fire, his eyes locking onto yours for just a moment longer than usual. He was tired—so tired. But he wouldn’t say it. He wouldn’t admit that he needed to rest just as much as the rest of you, if not more. His protectiveness ran so deep, it was like a force of nature, driving him even when his body begged for relief.

"You should sleep," he muttered, breaking the silence, his voice rough but soft. "I’ll keep watch."

"You need to rest too, Joel," you replied, your voice barely more than a whisper over the crackling fire. "You can’t keep pushing yourself like this."

He didn’t respond right away, his eyes flickering to the flames as if avoiding the truth of what you were saying. Ellie, sensing the tension, chimed in from her spot by the fire.

"Yeah, seriously, man. You’ve been on ‘protector mode’ for hours now. You’re not a machine, you know."

Joel grunted, his usual response when he didn’t want to argue but also didn’t want to agree. He poked at the fire with a stick, the sparks floating up into the dark sky. "I’m fine," he said again, the same phrase he’d been using all day, but it sounded weaker now. Less convincing.

You leaned back against the cave wall, watching him through the flickering light. He was still trying to protect you, still carrying the weight of all your lives on his shoulders. But you could see it wearing on him, the exhaustion, the fear he wouldn’t admit to, the responsibility that felt crushing.

"Joel," you said quietly, "we’re not going to make it if you don’t take care of yourself too.

His eyes snapped to yours again, something unreadable passing through them. For a moment, you thought he might argue, might tell you once again that he was fine. But then he sighed, the sound heavy with everything he wasn’t saying.

"I’ll rest when you two are safe," he said, his voice rough and tired, like he was trying to hold back the weight of the world. "I promise."

Ellie threw a stick into the fire, watching it crackle with an unimpressed look. "Great. So, we’re just supposed to wait until you collapse?"

Joel shot her a look, but it lacked its usual sharpness. You could see that even he was starting to acknowledge the truth.

And just when he was about to say something, you moved uncomfortable. 

Before Joel could respond to Ellie’s sharp comment, you shifted in your spot, a small grimace passing over your face as the baby kicked again. This time, it was stronger, more insistent, and the discomfort rippled through you unexpectedly. You instinctively placed a hand over your belly, your breath catching as the sensation overwhelmed you.

Both Joel and Ellie immediately noticed the change in your posture. Joel's eyes widened, all traces of exhaustion vanishing in an instant as he leaned closer, his expression full of concern.

“What is it?” His voice was tight, his protective instincts kicking in instantly. “Are you alright?”

You nodded, though the tension in your face said otherwise. “I’m fine… it’s just… the baby’s kicking. It’s strong.”

Ellie scooted over, her eyes wide with curiosity and a mix of awe. “Whoa, really?” she asked, her usual snark replaced by genuine interest. “Can I feel?”

You smiled, despite the ache, and gestured for Ellie to come closer. She tentatively reached out, her small hand resting on your belly. A few moments passed, and then the baby kicked again, more pronounced this time. Ellie’s face lit up, her eyes going wide with amazement.

“That’s wild,” she breathed. “It’s like… a real person in there, huh?”

Joel remained still, his expression a mixture of hesitation and uncertainty. His eyes flickered from your face to your belly, where Ellie’s hand still rested, her excitement palpable. But Joel… his gaze was distant, conflicted, as though something heavy was weighing on his mind.

You watched him for a moment, noticing the subtle tension in his shoulders, the way his jaw clenched like he was fighting something deep within. He had been so protective of you and the baby, yet now, there was this hesitation that hadn’t been there before. Like the reality of it all was finally sinking in, and it scared him in a way he hadn’t expected.

Your heart softened at the sight of him—this man who had carried so much weight on his shoulders, trying to keep all of you safe. And now, with the baby growing inside you, it seemed like the responsibility was becoming even more overwhelming for him.

Without saying a word, you reached for Joel’s hand, gently pulling it toward your belly. He resisted at first, his eyes meeting yours with an uncertain look. But you smiled, reassuring him, and after a beat, he let you guide his hand to rest over where the baby had just kicked.

For a moment, the world seemed to stop. His hand, warm and rough, pressed against your belly, and then the baby kicked again—strong and insistent, like it was reminding him of its presence. Joel’s breath hitched, and his eyes widened in surprise. You could see the emotions flashing across his face—fear, wonder, maybe even hope—but he didn’t pull away.

He swallowed hard, his voice barely a whisper. “That’s… that’s the baby,” he said, his tone filled with awe, like he couldn’t quite believe it was real.

You nodded, your hand still resting on top of his, offering comfort. “Yeah, Joel. That’s our baby.”

For a moment, Joel just stared at your belly, his hand still pressed against you. Then, slowly, his walls started to crumble. His shoulders slumped, and he let out a shaky breath, the tension that had been building inside him for days finally releasing.

As you watched Ellie marvel at the sensation of the baby kicking, you couldn’t help but notice Joel’s face. His eyes, though focused on your belly, were distant, clouded with thoughts you knew all too well. His silence spoke louder than any words could, and you could see the weight of it pressing down on him, the same doubts and fears he always tried to hide. But this time, there was no hiding.

Without thinking, you gently placed your hand over Ellie’s, signaling for her to stop. "Hey, El… let’s give the baby a little break," you said, your voice soft but firm.

Ellie looked up at you, confused for a second, before pulling her hand back and sitting up straight. She shrugged nonchalantly, though her eyes lingered on your belly, clearly still amazed. “Yeah, sure. That was pretty cool though,” she muttered, leaning back and poking the fire with another stick.

But your attention wasn’t on Ellie anymore. It was on Joel. His hand was still resting on your belly, and he hadn’t moved. You could see the tension in his face, the way he was trying to hold it together for both of you. He needed to rest, to let himself break for just a moment, but you knew how hard that was for him. How much he felt like everything was on his shoulders.

"Joel," you said quietly, almost more gently than you intended. His name felt different on your tongue, like it wasn’t really you speaking.

He didn’t respond immediately, his eyes still locked on your belly. You took his hand and slowly lifted it away, placing it in his lap. He blinked, as if snapping out of a trance, and finally looked at you. The weariness in his face was undeniable now, and you could see the cracks in the facade he always tried so hard to keep in place.

“You need to rest,” you said, your voice soft but firm, with an edge that wasn’t quite your usual tone. It was more insistent, more like a command than a request. You weren’t just asking him to take a break—you were telling him.

Joel’s brows furrowed, his lips parting slightly as if to protest, but you cut him off before he could speak.

“I mean it,” you added, surprising even yourself with the intensity of your words. “You’re not going to help anyone if you collapse, Joel. We can’t keep going like this.”

His mouth closed, his eyes searching your face as if trying to figure out what to say, how to argue with you without pushing too hard. But he couldn’t. Not this time. Not with the way you were looking at him, with that mix of worry and determination that left no room for debate.

Ellie, sensing the shift in tone, stayed quiet, glancing between the two of you. For once, she didn’t throw in a sarcastic comment. She just waited, watching the fire crackle and listening to the tension settle around you.

Joel let out a long breath, his shoulders sagging as the fight drained out of him. He nodded, though it seemed reluctant, like he still couldn’t fully let go of the idea that he had to be the one holding it all together.

“Alright,” he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. “Just for a bit.”

You exhaled, relieved, but you still held his gaze, making sure he understood. “It’s not just for us, Joel. It’s for you too. You need this.”

He nodded again, and this time, it seemed a little more genuine. “Yeah… I know,” he whispered, his voice raw with exhaustion.

Ellie glanced up, the smallest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Finally,” she muttered under her breath, though there was no bite in her words this time.

As Joel shifted to find a more comfortable position, he laid his head against your lap, his face pressing gently against your belly. The closeness of him, the warmth of his body leaning into yours, made something inside you tighten—an emotion you couldn’t quite name but one you understood all too well. His breaths slowed as the exhaustion finally caught up to him, his body surrendering to the rest he so desperately needed.

Your hand moved on its own, fingers threading through his hair, then brushing down to caress the rough stubble on his face. The small gesture felt both intimate and protective, like you were guarding him for once, in the only way you could. His face softened in his sleep, the tension that had etched itself into his features over the last few days easing away.

Ellie, watching the scene unfold, stifled a quiet chuckle. "Well, that’s a sight," she whispered, shaking her head with a faint smile. “Didn’t think I’d ever see Joel like this.”

You gave her a soft, knowing smile, your hand never leaving Joel’s face. “Yeah, me neither,” you whispered back. The fire crackled between you, casting soft shadows on the cave walls. For the first time in what felt like forever, it was you and Ellie staying awake, the weight of the night’s silence shared between the two of you instead of Joel.

Ellie stretched out her legs, staring into the flames. “So... how’s it feel?” she asked, her voice low as if she didn’t want to disturb Joel. “Y’know, the baby. It’s kinda crazy to think that in the middle of all this... you’re growing a person.”

You let out a quiet laugh, glancing down at Joel’s sleeping form, then at your belly. “Yeah... it’s crazy,” you admitted, your voice soft but filled with a quiet wonder. “But it feels... right, somehow. Like maybe this is the one good thing left in the world.”

Ellie nodded thoughtfully; her gaze still locked on the fire. “Guess we all need something good to fight for.”

Silence settled over you both, the crackling of the fire the only sound as the night stretched on. The cave was cold, but there was a warmth in this moment, a quiet bond growing between you and Ellie as Joel slept soundly against you.

For the first time in a long time, it felt like you had a moment to breathe and be still. And in that stillness, with Joel safe and Ellie by your side, you allowed yourself to hope, just for a little while, that maybe everything would be okay.

December 10th

We made it to Jackson today. It’s hard to believe after everything, but we’re finally here. We’re safe… but something doesn’t feel right.

Tommy was so happy to see us. To see Joel. I saw it in his eyes, the relief of having his brother back. And when he looked at my belly, he was surprised, of course, but happy. Even Maria, his wife is pregnant too. She seemed genuinely excited for us, for what this means. But Joel... Joel didn’t react the way I thought he would.

I’ve seen him handle danger, grief, and loss; nothing seemed to break him. But today, when Tommy told the news when Maria shared her news, I could see something change in Joel. He didn’t smile, didn’t share in the moment like I hoped he would. Instead, he shut down. And it hurts. It hurts to think that maybe he’s not ready for this, for us. Maybe he’s scared, maybe it’s just too much. I don’t know, but it’s like I’m carrying this alone.

I’m scared too. But I want this baby. I want us to be a family. And I thought… I thought Joel did too.

He’s with Tommy now, catching up after a long time or at least pretending to. I can feel something shifted, the distance between us growing, even though we’re finally somewhere safe. What if Jackson doesn’t fix this? What if the problem isn’t out there, but here between us?

You set the pen down and closed the journal, feeling the weight of the words settling into your heart. You glanced over at the new clothes Maria had left for you in the bed.

As you dressed in the clean, comfortable clothes Maria had left, the familiar weight of worry crept back in. The thoughts of the QZ and everything you’d been through tugged at the edges of your mind, but you pushed them aside, determined to move forward and focus on this new chapter in Jackson. This was supposed to be a fresh start. You were determined to make it feel that way.

The cold air outside hit you as you stepped out of the house, but it was fresh, invigorating. You pulled your jacket tighter around yourself and began walking through the quiet streets of Jackson, hoping that a bit of solitude would clear your head. But as you passed by one of the larger buildings in the town, you heard voices, low but familiar.

Joel and Tommy were inside.

You hesitated by the window, not meaning to eavesdrop, but you couldn’t help yourself. The tension in Joel had been building all day, and Tommy’s words floated out into the cold air.

“I thought you’d be happy for me, Joel,” Tommy said, his voice carrying a mix of frustration and concern. “I’m going to be a father. Can you believe that? I thought—hell, I thought you’d understand more than anyone.”

There was a long pause before Joel responded, and you could practically feel the weight of what was about to come.

“I don’t know if I want to be a father again,” Joel said, his voice low, almost too quiet to hear. It wasn’t a confession so much as an admission, like it was something he hadn’t even allowed himself to think about until now. “Tommy… it’s different this time.”

“You’ve got someone, Joel. She’s—she’s carrying your kid. That’s not something you just walk away from,” Tommy replied, clearly trying to keep his patience. “You don’t get to be scared and check out now. That’s not you. At least, that’s not the brother I know.”

“I know that,” Joel said, but there was a tremor in his voice that betrayed him. “But I’ve been through this before. And it didn’t end well. What if I can’t do it again? What if I can’t protect them?”

Tommy’s voice softened. “You’re not the same man you were back then. And you’ve got people now. You’re not alone in this, Joel. You don’t have to carry it all by yourself.”

Another silence followed, and you found yourself holding your breath, waiting for Joel to say something—anything—that would give you an idea of what he was feeling. But when he spoke again, his voice was strained, full of conflict.

“I want to be there for them. I do. But I don’t know how to be a father anymore. After Sarah... it feels like too much.”

Hearing him say her name, his late daughter, hit you like a punch to the gut. You hadn’t heard Joel talk about Sarah much, but you knew how deeply her loss had affected him. The silence that followed was thick with emotion, as if Tommy was waiting for his brother to find the words he was searching for.

“Then learn, Joel,” Tommy finally said, his tone soft but firm. “You can still be a father. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be you trying.”

You could hear the clink of glasses as Tommy poured them both a drink. Joel didn’t respond right away, and you took that as your cue to move away from the window, giving them the space they needed.

As you walked away from the window, your thoughts swirling with everything you’d just overheard, you almost didn’t notice Maria approaching from down the street. Her footsteps were quiet on the dirt path, and by the time you spotted her, she was already close enough to call your name.

“Hey,” Maria greeted softly, her eyes warm but cautious. She seemed to sense the heaviness on your shoulders. “I was just coming by to check on you. How’re you settling in?”

You managed a small smile, though the weight of what you’d overheard lingered in your chest. “It’s... good. It’s a lot to take in, but it’s good here.”

Maria studied your face for a moment, as if she could see the mix of emotions brewing beneath the surface. She gave a small nod, choosing not to press. Instead, she shifted the conversation to something else. “I wanted to let you know, we’ve got an ultrasound machine here in town. It’s old, but it works. If you want, we could take a look at the baby, make sure everything’s okay.”

Her offer took you by surprise, and for a moment, you weren’t sure how to respond. The thought of seeing the baby—of actually hearing its heartbeat, seeing it move—was both exciting and terrifying. You hadn’t had the chance for anything like this since leaving the QZ, and the opportunity stirred a mixture of emotions you hadn’t quite prepared for.

“I… I don’t know,” you admitted, glancing down at your belly.

Maria smiled gently, her understanding clear. “I get it. It can be overwhelming, especially with everything you’ve been through. But maybe it’ll help. You were out there for so long, it wouldn’t be bad give it a check.

You hesitated, then nodded slowly. “Yeah, maybe. I think I’d like that.”

“Good,” Maria said, her smile growing. “Okay, let’s go”

“What now?” you asked, surprised and afraid, there was a strange feeling on your heart at the thought of seeing your baby for the first time.

Maria chuckled softly, sensing your hesitation. “No time like the present,” she said, her voice calm and reassuring. “I know it’s a lot, but you’ve been through worse. This is something good, something for you. And for the baby.”

You felt a flutter of nerves as the reality of it hit you—the idea of seeing the baby, confirming its presence in a way that was more than just kicks and feelings. It was a lot to take in, and your heart raced at the thought.

“But... what if something’s wrong?” you blurted out, your voice quieter than you intended. It was a fear you hadn’t allowed yourself to voice until now, but it was there, gnawing at the back of your mind.

Maria’s expression softened even more. “That’s exactly why we check. If something’s wrong, we’ll know, and we’ll take care of it. But listen, you’ve come this far. You’re strong, and so is your baby.” She placed a gentle hand on your arm, grounding you. “You’re not alone anymore, okay?”

Her words gave you a sense of comfort you hadn’t realized you needed. You took a deep breath and nodded, more firmly this time. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Maria smiled again, “Do you want to find Joel first?” she asked

But you thought about his words, and said no.

You shook your head, the memory of Joel's hesitant confession weighing on your mind. "No," you said quietly, but with conviction. "Not right now."

Maria studied your face for a moment, her expression thoughtful but understanding. She didn’t push, simply nodded. "Alright," she said gently. "This is your moment, then. Just you and the baby."

You appreciated her respect for your choice. As much as you wanted Joel to be there, to share this experience with you, part of you knew he wasn’t ready. He needed time to sort through his own fears, and you needed this moment to yourself, to connect with the life growing inside you without the burden of anyone else's emotions.

“Let’s go,” you said, your voice firmer now, a strange mix of nerves and excitement bubbling up inside you.

Maria led the way back toward the clinic, with Ellie joining you both, the air cool and crisp as you walked through the quiet streets of Jackson. Inside, the warmth of the room wrapped around you, soothing some of your tension. As you lay back on the table, ready to see your baby for the first time, you felt a flicker of hope, a hope that despite everything, you and this little life inside you could make it.

The door creaked open, and the doctor stepped in. He was tall, with tousled brown hair and kind eyes that immediately locked onto yours. There was a brief pause as he stood in the doorway, his expression shifting from professionalism to something softer, almost as if he were momentarily caught off guard.

"Hi, I’m Dr. Paul..." he trailed off, his gaze lingering on you just a second too long before he quickly composed himself, stepping further into the room. "Paul Mesner," he added, clearing his throat, his tone now more formal, though there was a warmth in it that you couldn’t quite place.

You shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, unsure of the sudden tension that filled the small room. It wasn’t overwhelming, but you could feel something shift in the air, as though Paul had felt something the moment he laid eyes on you.

Maria, standing by your side, glanced between the two of you, raising an eyebrow but choosing not to comment.

As you lay back on the examination table, the soft hum of the ultrasound machine filled the room. Maria stood nearby, and Ellie sat on a chair in the corner, her legs bouncing restlessly. Paul prepared the equipment, his movements efficient but gentle.

Ellie glanced around nervously, trying to act cool, but you could see the curiosity and excitement in her eyes. “So… this is where we get to see the little peanut?” she asked, her voice trying to mask her eagerness.

You smiled at her, feeling a sense of comfort that she was here. “Yeah, Ellie. This is where we’ll see the baby.”

When Paul applied the gel to your belly, Ellie’s eyes widened slightly, but she didn’t say anything, her attention fully focused on the screen. As the image flickered to life, the small form of the baby appeared, its heartbeat strong and steady. The room seemed to hold its breath.

He guided you through the process, explaining each step, though his voice was gentle, almost reverent. As the cold gel touched your skin and the machine came to life, Paul’s eyes never strayed far from yours. When he finally looked at the screen, the image of your baby appeared, and so it’s heart beating that filled the silence of the room.

“There it is,” Paul said softly, the awe clear in his voice. He glanced at you with that same warmth, but your focus was entirely on the screen. But when he looked at you again, there was something undeniably personal in his eyes, like you were the only person in the room.

Ellie leaned forward; her face lit up with wonder. “Holy shit… that’s… that’s the baby?”

You nodded, unable to tear your eyes away from the tiny form. “Yeah, that’s the baby.”

Ellie’s gaze flickered from the screen to you, then back again. “That’s… insane. It’s real,” she whispered, her usual bravado melting away in the face of something she couldn’t joke about.

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at the tiny image on the screen, tears welling in your eyes.

As you stared at the tiny, flickering heartbeat on the screen, a rush of emotions overwhelmed you. Tears blurred your vision, but you couldn’t look away from the image. It was real—your baby, alive and growing inside of you. The room was quiet, except for the steady thrum of the baby’s heartbeat echoing in the air, a soft, rhythmic reminder that you were carrying a new life.

“Ellie,” you whispered, looking at her, “you’re going to be part of this too. You’re family.”

Ellie blinked, clearly moved by your words, though she quickly masked it with a grin. “Thank you” she said, smiling down at you.

Paul’s gentle voice brought you back, and when you glanced up at him, he was still looking at you, his eyes filled with something more than just professional care. It was warmth, empathy... maybe something else.

"You’re doing really well," he said again, his voice barely above a whisper, as though he didn’t want to break the delicate atmosphere of the moment.

You smiled weakly, feeling the tears spill over, but you quickly wiped them away. "I wasn’t sure what to expect," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. "But hearing the heartbeat... it’s incredible."

Paul nodded, his gaze still steady on you, his expression soft. "It’s a moment that changes everything," he said, his voice full of sincerity. "You’ll remember this for the rest of your life."

His words settled over you like a blanket of reassurance, and for the first time since you had arrived in Jackson, you felt a small sense of peace. There was still so much uncertainty ahead, but in this moment, everything felt possible.

Maria, who had been standing quietly off to the side, finally broke the silence. "It’s beautiful, isn’t it?" she said, her voice filled with genuine warmth. She walked over to you and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "You’ve been through so much, but you’re going to be okay here."

You nodded, grateful for the support. But your thoughts drifted back to Joel, to the conversation you had overheard between him and Tommy. You couldn’t help but wonder how he would react when he saw this—when he heard the heartbeat and realized what was truly at stake.

But for now, you allowed yourself to just be in the moment, surrounded by the quiet reassurance of Maria’s words and Paul’s steady presence.

"Thank you," you whispered, meeting Paul’s eyes again.

He smiled, the corners of his mouth tugging upward just slightly. "Anytime," he said softly, and for a moment, it felt like he wasn’t just talking about the ultrasound.

As you, Ellie and Maria gathered your things and prepared to leave the small room, you felt Paul’s eyes lingering on you, even as you reached for the door. His gaze was soft, but intense, as if he couldn’t tear himself away. It left a strange flutter in your chest, a mix of emotions you weren’t ready to unpack.

“Thanks, Paul” you said, honestly, smiling at him.

Maria, standing by your side, must have noticed too. When you touched the door handle, ready to step out, she placed a gentle hand on your arm. “Wait for me outside,” she said, her voice calm but firm.

You hesitated, glancing between her and Paul, but then nodded, stepping out into the cool air of the hallway. As the door clicked shut behind you, a strange tension filled the room you had just left.

Inside, Maria turned to Paul, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied him. His gaze had been a little too fixated on you, and Maria’s protective instincts kicked in immediately.

"Paul," she began, her voice quiet but filled with a clear warning. "Don’t ever think about it."

Paul blinked, his brow furrowing in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Maria took a step closer, her expression hardening. "I saw the way you were looking at her. But you need to understand something—she’s not here alone. The baby’s father is here in Jackson."

Paul’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, though he quickly tried to mask it. "I wasn’t—" he started, but Maria cut him off.

"Tommy’s brother," she said, her voice low and steady. "That’s the father. And trust me, you don’t want to get involved in that kind of situation."

Paul looked taken aback, the realization sinking in. He glanced down, his expression shifting as the weight of her words hit him. "I didn’t mean any disrespect, Maria," he said quietly, his tone more subdued now. "I just—"

"I know you didn’t," she replied, softening just a bit. "But I’m telling you now, for your own sake. Stay professional. Keep it that way."

Paul nodded, the intensity in his gaze dimming, replaced by something more resigned. "Understood," he muttered, his voice low.

Maria gave him a long, measured look before turning to leave. As she opened the door, she glanced back one last time, as if to reinforce her message. Then, without another word, she stepped outside to join you.

You and Ellie were waiting just outside, leaning against the wall, lost in thought. When Maria emerged, she gave you a small, reassuring smile.

"Ready to head back?" she asked, her tone light, as if the conversation inside had never happened.

You nodded, pushing yourself off the wall.

The makeshift theater was packed with people from the community, the flickering light from the old projector casting shadows on the walls. It felt surreal, sitting there with everyone, watching a movie like things were normal. For a brief moment, you allowed yourself to sink into that illusion—into the laughter, the shared smiles, the warmth of the crowd around you.

But then you saw Joel, after missing him for the whole day.

He was sitting a few rows ahead, his posture tense, eyes focused on the screen but not really watching. You’d been keeping an eye on him ever since you got there, sensing the turmoil still brewing beneath the surface. As the movie played on, Joel stood quietly and slipped out of the room, unnoticed by most. Except for you.

Something stirred in your chest, a familiar pull that you couldn’t ignore. You glanced around, checking if anyone else noticed, but everyone was still absorbed in the film. Quietly, you stood and followed him out, slipping through the door into the cold night air.

The streets of Jackson were quiet, the sound of the movie muffled behind you as you walked. You could see Joel ahead, his figure silhouetted against the dim streetlights. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his steps slow, like he wasn’t sure where he was going, just that he needed to get away.

“Joel,” you called softly, your voice breaking the silence.

He stopped but didn’t turn around immediately. You quickened your pace, coming up beside him. When you reached him, he finally looked at you, his expression a mix of exhaustion and something deeper—something you couldn’t quite place.

"You okay?" you asked gently, though you already knew the answer.

Joel let out a long breath, his shoulders slumping as if the weight he’d been carrying all night had become too much. "Just needed some air," he muttered, his voice rough, but not unkind.

You fell into step beside him, walking in silence for a while, letting the quiet between you settle. You knew Joel wasn’t one to open up easily, and you didn’t want to push him. But you couldn’t just leave him to his thoughts, not when you knew he was struggling.

"Talk to me, Joel," you said softly. "What’s going on?"

He was silent for a moment, his jaw tightening as he tried to find the right words. Finally, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t know if I can do this."

Your heart tightened at his words. "Do what?"

"All of it," he said, his voice strained. "Being here... with you, the baby. It feels like I’m tryin’ to fit into somethin’ I don’t deserve. I don’t know how to be this person anymore."

You stopped walking, turning to face him, the moonlight casting shadows across his face. "Joel, you don’t have to have it all figured out. None of us do."

He shook his head, his gaze dropping to the ground. "I want to be there for you, for the baby, but I don’t know if I can protect you. I’m scared I’ll fail again."

The mention of his past failures cut deep, and you could see the ghosts of his memories haunting him. Sarah. The QZ. Every person he couldn’t save.

"You won’t fail," you said firmly, stepping closer, placing a hand on his arm. “I saw the baby today” you said with a tiny smile appearing.

His eyes flickered up to meet yours, a hint of surprise breaking through the heaviness that surrounded him. "What do you mean, you saw the baby?" he asked, the tension in his voice softening just a fraction.

You took a breath, feeling warmth spread through you at the memory. "Maria took me for an ultrasound. It was… incredible. I felt the heartbeat, Joel. It’s real. There’s a little life in there."

A mixture of emotions crossed his face, curiosity, wonder, and a flicker of fear. "And? What was it like?"

You smiled wider now, unable to contain the joy bubbling within you. "It was amazing. The little form on the screen, just... there. It made everything feel more possible, like maybe we really could do this."

For a moment, Joel’s expression softened, and you could see the flicker of hope behind his eyes. "That’s… good," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, almost as if he was afraid to believe it.

"It is," you reassured him, stepping closer until there was barely any space left between you. "And you’re going to be a part of that, Joel. You’re not just the protector; you’ll be a father. And I know it’s scary, but it’s also something to live for."

He looked down, his brow furrowing as he processed your words. "You really think so?"

"I know so," you said, reaching up to cup his face again, letting your thumb brush gently across his cheek. "You’re already so protective of us, and that matters more than you realize. You’ll figure it out as we go along."

As you stood there, the world around you faded into the background, leaving just the two of you in that intimate moment. Something in Joel shifted, the walls he had built around his heart starting to crumble. You could see the conflict within him, fear battling against a yearning to embrace this new reality.

With a gentle tug on his shirt, you pulled him closer, your heart racing in anticipation. "Trust me," you whispered, your eyes locking onto his.

And then, without overthinking it, you leaned in, your lips brushing against his. The kiss was tentative at first, a mingling of uncertainty and hope. But as he responded, deepening the kiss, you felt a wave of warmth wash over you, as if the two of you were forging a new bond amidst the chaos.

His hands found your waist, holding you close, and for those brief moments, it felt like everything else faded away, your fears, the weight of the past, the uncertain future. It was just you and him, sharing something genuine and profound.

When you finally pulled back, your foreheads rested against each other, both of you breathing heavily, the world outside momentarily forgotten. The flicker of fear in his eyes had shifted to something softer, more determined.

"You really mean it," he said, his voice rough but filled with newfound conviction.

"I do," you replied, smiling up at him. "We’re in this together, Joel. No matter what."

He nodded, a faint smile breaking through the weight he had been carrying.

As the warmth of the moment lingered, Joel’s hands moved gently to your belly, resting there as if he were trying to connect with the little life growing inside you. His expression softened, and a protective instinct shone in his eyes.

“Get some rest,” he murmured, his voice low and steady. “You’ve been through a lot today. We both have.”

You nodded, appreciating the concern in his tone. “I will. But I want you to come back soon, okay?”

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I will. Just need a minute to clear my head.”

With a lingering touch, he pulled his hands away, and you felt a strange mix of warmth and longing as he stepped back. “I’ll see you in a bit,” he promised, his gaze still fixed on you, as if he were memorizing every detail.

You turned, feeling lighter, ready to head back inside and allow yourself the rest you needed. As you walked away, you glanced over your shoulder one last time, catching his eye. The connection between you remained palpable, and you knew that this was just the beginning of something profound.

As you stepped back into the house, the warmth hit you immediately, chasing away the cool night air. Ellie was sprawled on the couch, flipping through a book she'd found earlier, her legs crossed as she absentmindedly skimmed the pages.

She looked up as you entered, her face softening into a lopsided grin. "You okay?" she asked, her tone casual, but you could hear the concern behind it.

You nodded, sitting down beside her. "Yeah. Just needed to talk with Joel for a bit."

Ellie studied your face, her eyes sharp. "And? Everything good?"

You smiled gently, trying to reassure her. "It will be. We’re figuring things out, one step at a time." You hesitated for a moment before continuing, "You know, we could be a family here. You, me, Joel… and the baby."

Ellie blinked, her usual tough exterior cracking just a bit. She let out a breath, leaning back against the couch. "A family, huh?" she muttered, her voice almost too soft for her usual snark. "Never really had one of those."

"You do now," you said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It’s not perfect. None of this is. But we’re all in this together."

Ellie let the words sink in, her eyes drifting toward the window as if trying to imagine what a life here could be. "Guess I could stick around," she said, a small smile tugging at her lips. "Teach the kid how to shoot and stuff."

You chuckled softly.

+++++++++++++

Meanwhile, on the other side of the community, Joel sat at the bar with Tommy, the weight of his emotions too much to bear any longer. He stared down at the whiskey in his hand, his knuckles white from gripping the glass too hard.

"Tommy…" Joel’s voice was low, broken, as if the words were being pulled from some deep, hidden place. "I need you to do something for me."

Tommy frowned, concern flickering across his face. "What is it?"

Joel swallowed hard; his throat tight. His eyes were red, the strain of the day finally catching up with him. "I need you to take Ellie to the Fireflies."

Tommy blinked; his confusion clear. "What? Joel, -“

"She’s immune” Joel cut him off, his voice cracking as tears welled up in his eyes. "But I can’t do it I can’t take her.  I don’t have the heart to leave my woman behind.”

Tommy’s gaze softened, understanding dawning on him. "You mean…"

"She’s pregnant, Tommy. I can’t take her with us. I can’t risk her life or the baby’s. And I can’t just leave them behind, not after everything." Joel’s voice wavered, his hands shaking as he finally let the tears fall, his tough exterior crumbling. "I thought I could do it… thought I could keep everyone safe, but I’m just not strong enough.”

Tommy leaned forward, his expression torn between concern and disbelief. "Joel, you don’t have to do this alone. You’ve got people here. You’ve got me."

Joel shook his head, wiping at his eyes. "Ellie needs to get to the Fireflies, for the cure. It’s what she’s meant for. But I can’t go, not with the baby coming. I need you to do this for me, Tommy. Please."

Tommy was silent for a long time, his heart breaking for his brother. "Joel… are you sure?"

Joel’s shoulders slumped as he nodded, the weight of his decision pressing down on him. "I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t lose them either. I can’t make this choice."

Tommy sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. "Alright," he finally said, his voice thick with emotion. "I’ll take Ellie. But, Joel...”

Joel took a shaky breath, his hands trembling as he gripped the edge of the bar. “It’s not just Ellie, Tommy. It’s me too.” His voice cracked, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he let himself be vulnerable. “I’ve been having these panic attacks. Can’t breathe, can’t think straight. I… I haven’t felt this way since… since Sarah.”

Tommy's eyes widened, a mixture of shock and concern flooding his expression. "Joel…"

“I try to hold it together, but I’m falling apart, man. And I don’t know how to stop it,” Joel confessed, his voice breaking. “I’ll be out there, trying to protect her, trying to protect all of us, and suddenly it hits me — like a damn freight train. My chest tightens, my heart races, and I feel like… like I’m losing control.”

Tommy was silent for a moment, letting the weight of Joel’s words sink in. He'd seen his brother take on the world, survive impossible situations, but this was different. This was something Joel couldn’t fight with his fists or a gun.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Joel whispered, running a hand through his hair. "I'm scared all the time, Tommy. Scared that I’ll mess it up. That I’ll lose Ellie. That I’ll lose..." He faltered, swallowing hard. “That I’ll lose them both.”

Tommy stepped closer; his voice gentle but firm. “You don’t have to carry this alone, Joel. You never did. It’s okay to feel this way, man. No one expects you to be invincible.”

Joel let out a bitter laugh, though there was no humor in it. “But that’s what I’ve always had to be, ain’t it? The strong one. The protector. I don’t know how to be anything else.”

“You’ve been protecting people your whole damn life,” Tommy said, his tone filled with empathy. “But now… now it’s time to let people protect you too.”

Joel’s eyes were red, his jaw tight as he fought the urge to break down. “I don’t know if I can do this without her. Without them.”

“You don’t have to,” Tommy said quietly. “But I’ll take Ellie to the Fireflies. I promise I’ll keep her safe. You take care of yourself, Joel. Take care of the family you’re building here. You’ve earned that.”

Joel nodded; his heart heavy but grateful for Tommy’s understanding. He still felt the crushing weight of his fears, but for the first time in a long while, he didn’t feel completely alone. Tommy was there. Ellie was there. You were there. And soon, there would be a baby who needed him too.

But still, his tears silently fell as he tried to hold himself together. This was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and it tore him apart inside. But he knew it was the only way to protect the people he loved. Even if it meant letting go.

+++++++++++++

You sat on the couch with Ellie, the warmth of the fire crackling in the fireplace nearby, casting a soft glow across the room. Ellie was watching the flames, her mind elsewhere, while you found yourself glancing down at your belly again, thinking about everything that was changing, everything that was coming.

“Ellie,” you began softly, breaking the comfortable silence between you. She turned her head slightly, her expression expectant. “I’ve been thinking… Would you wait until after the baby is born to go to the Fireflies? Just a little longer?”

Ellie’s brow furrowed slightly, as if the idea weighed heavily on her. She didn’t answer right away, and you could see the internal struggle flicker in her eyes.

“I know you want to help,” you continued, your voice gentle. “I know you want to be the cure, to make a difference. But… it’s dangerous out there. And I don’t want to lose you.”

Ellie shifted uncomfortably, pulling her knees up to her chest as she stared down at the floor. “It’s not about me, though,” she said, her voice low but steady. “I get it, you want me to stay, but the cure... it could give the baby a better future. It could give everyone a better future. And I can’t just sit here while I have the chance to do that.”

Her words struck you deep, and you couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt for wanting her to stay, to keep her close, to keep her safe. But Ellie had always been selfless, always thinking of others, always wanting to make things better.

You sighed, resting a hand on your belly as the weight of her words sank in. “I just want you to be safe, Ellie. You mean a lot to all of us. And I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Ellie smiled faintly, though her expression was filled with understanding. “I know. But… if I can do something to stop all of this, the infection, the danger, then the baby… they won’t have to grow up like this. They could have a real life, without the constant fear of what’s out there.”

The thought of that future, one where the baby didn’t have to face the same horrors that you and Ellie had, made your heart ache. She was right, and that was what made it so hard.

Ellie noticed the worry lines forming on your forehead and reached over, giving your arm a gentle nudge. “Hey,” she said, her voice softening, “don’t stress yourself out. You’ve got enough to think about. Go and rest. You need to take care of yourself, and the peanut.”

You offered her a tired smile, appreciating the concern in her tone. “You sound like Joel.”

Ellie smirked. “Guess he’s rubbing off on me.”

You laughed softly, but the weight of the conversation still hung in the air. “Just… promise me you’ll think about it, Ellie. Please.”

Ellie met your gaze, her eyes serious. “I’ll think about it,” she said, and though you knew her mind was made up, her words gave you a small sense of comfort.

With that, you slowly stood, feeling the fatigue settle into your bones. Ellie watched you with a hint of amusement in her eyes. “Go rest, Mom-to-be,” she teased. “I’ll be here.”

You chuckled softly, grateful for the lightness she brought to the moment. “Alright, alright. I’m going. Good night, Ellie.”

“Good night” she replied, smiling as you entered the bedroom.

Joel stood outside for what felt like an eternity, staring into the darkness, weighed down by the decision he had made. He knew it was the right thing to do, but it didn’t make it any easier. The thought of sending Ellie away with Tommy gnawed at him, the fear of losing her or failing her again tightening around his chest like a vice.

Finally, with a heavy sigh, he walked back into the house, his footsteps slow and hesitant. The place was quiet, a stillness that only made the ache in his heart more pronounced. He stopped by the door to your bedroom, hearing the soft rhythm of your breathing. You were resting, just like you needed to be.

But there was another conversation he couldn’t avoid.

Joel walked down the hall to Ellie’s room. The door was slightly ajar, and he could see her sitting on the edge of her bed, lost in her own thoughts. She turned her head when she noticed him, her eyes narrowing with suspicion.

“What’s up?” she asked, trying to keep her tone casual, but there was an edge to her voice that Joel couldn’t ignore.

Joel hesitated for a moment before stepping inside. He couldn’t meet her gaze right away. “Ellie, we need to talk,” he said, his voice low and thick with the weight of his words.

She sat up straighter, sensing that something was wrong. “What is it? What happened?”

Joel rubbed a hand over his face, trying to find the right words, but all that came out was, “Tommy’s taking you to the Fireflies.”

The room fell into a tense silence, Ellie’s eyes widening in shock before narrowing in anger. “What? No,” she said, her voice rising. “You’re supposed to take me. That was the plan!”

“I can’t,” Joel replied, his voice breaking just slightly as he tried to keep his composure. “I can’t leave them behind. Not with the baby coming.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ellie snapped, standing up now, her fists clenched at her sides. “You’re just gonna pass me off to Tommy like I’m some burden? What the hell, Joel?”

“It’s not like that,” Joel said, shaking his head, but the guilt was already eating at him. “I’m trying to protect you.”

Ellie scoffed, her frustration boiling over. “Protect me? you’re just okay with sending me away? Why can’t you take me?”

Joel took a deep breath, the panic rising inside him. “Ellie, I’ve been having these panic attacks,” he admitted, his voice shaking. “I can’t—I’m not strong enough anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t protect you the way I need to, not with all of this happening. I don’t want to fail you.”

Ellie’s anger wavered for a moment, her eyes searching his face. “Joel…,” she said, her voice softer now. “You’re not gonna fail me. You never have.”

“I already have,” Joel whispered, his eyes dropping to the floor. “Too many times. I couldn’t save Sarah. I couldn’t stop Tess from getting hurt. I won’t let you get hurt too, Ellie. And I can’t leave them—her, the baby—behind. I just can’t.”

Ellie’s face softened, but the frustration was still there. “Joel, I don’t want Tommy to take me. I want you. We’ve been through all of this together. It’s you and me. You don’t get to just hand me off when it gets hard.”

Joel’s eyes were wet now, the emotions too much to hold back. “I’m trying to keep you safe, Ellie. That’s all I want.”

Joel stood outside for what felt like an eternity, staring into the darkness, weighed down by the decision he had made. He knew it was the right thing to do, but it didn’t make it any easier. The thought of sending Ellie away with Tommy gnawed at him, the fear of losing her or failing her again tightening around his chest like a vice.

Finally, with a heavy sigh, he walked back into the house, his footsteps slow and hesitant. The place was quiet, a stillness that only made the ache in his heart more pronounced. He stopped by the door to your bedroom, hearing the soft rhythm of your breathing. You were resting, just like you needed to be.

But there was another conversation he couldn’t avoid.

Joel walked down the hall to Ellie’s room. The door was slightly ajar, and he could see her sitting on the edge of her bed, lost in her own thoughts. She turned her head when she noticed him, her eyes narrowing with suspicion.

“What’s up?” she asked, trying to keep her tone casual, but there was an edge to her voice that Joel couldn’t ignore.

Joel hesitated for a moment before stepping inside. He couldn’t meet her gaze right away. “Ellie, we need to talk,” he said, his voice low and thick with the weight of his words.

She sat up straighter, sensing that something was wrong. “What is it? What happened?”

Joel rubbed a hand over his face, trying to find the right words, but all that came out was, “Tommy’s taking you to the Fireflies.”

The room fell into a tense silence, Ellie’s eyes widening in shock before narrowing in anger. “What? No,” she said, her voice rising. “You’re supposed to take me. That was the plan!”

“I can’t,” Joel replied, his voice breaking just slightly as he tried to keep his composure. “I can’t leave them behind. Not with the baby coming.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ellie snapped, standing up now, her fists clenched at her sides. “You’re just gonna pass me off to Tommy like I’m some burden? What the hell, Joel?”

“It’s not like that,” Joel said, shaking his head, but the guilt was already eating at him. “I’m trying to protect you.”

Ellie scoffed, her frustration boiling over. “Protect me? I thought you didn’t want me to go at all, and now you’re just okay with sending me away? Why can’t you take me?”

Joel took a deep breath, the panic rising inside him. “Ellie, I’ve been having these panic attacks,” he admitted, his voice shaking. “I can’t—I’m not strong enough anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t protect you the way I need to, not with all of this happening. I don’t want to fail you.”

Ellie’s anger wavered for a moment, her eyes searching his face. “Joel…,” she said, her voice softer now. “You’re not gonna fail me. You never have.”

“I already have,” Joel whispered, his eyes dropping to the floor. “Too many times. I couldn’t save Sarah. I couldn’t stop Tess from getting hurt. I won’t let you get hurt too, Ellie. And I can’t leave them—her, the baby—behind. I just can’t.”

Ellie’s face softened, but the frustration was still there. “Joel, I don’t want Tommy to take me. I want you. We’ve been through all of this together. It’s you and me. You don’t get to just hand me off when it gets hard.”

Joel’s eyes were wet now, the emotions too much to hold back. “I’m trying to keep you safe, Ellie. That’s all I want.”

“I know,” she said, her voice wavering. “But you’re all I’ve got. You can’t just let me go like that.”

They stood there in the quiet room, both of them battling their own fears and emotions. Joel wiped at his eyes, trying to collect himself.

“I’m not abandoning you,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I can’t make this choice. I can’t risk losing all of you. Tommy… he’s strong. He’ll get you there.”

Ellie shook her head, frustration flashing across her face. “You’re not listening. I don’t want Tommy to take me—I want you.”

Joel looked at her, his heart twisting. He hated this, hated that he was letting her down. “Ellie... I’m not your father,” he said, his voice cracking with the weight of the admission. He had never said it out loud like this, and it hit him as hard as it hit her.

The words hung in the air, and for a moment, Ellie looked like she’d been slapped. Her face hardened, jaw clenched. “Well,” she started, her voice sharp and bitter, “your girlfriend told me we could be a family.” She glared at him, daring him to contradict her.

Joel winced. The truth of it stung, the possibility of a family he didn’t feel worthy of. “I know,” he murmured, struggling to find the right thing to say. “But Ellie, that doesn’t mean I can risk everything—risk you—for a chance at something that might never come.”

Ellie shook her head, her eyes filling with tears she refused to let fall. “You don’t get it, do you?” she whispered. “I don’t want a family that leaves me behind when things get tough. I don’t want Tommy, or anyone else. I just want you.”

Joel’s heart shattered at her words. He saw the hurt, the fear of abandonment in her eyes, and it crushed him. He stepped forward, placing a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.

“Ellie, please...” Joel started, but she cut him off, her voice trembling with emotion.

“No, Joel. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me without even asking me what I want. We’ve been through too much for that. And now, just when we could finally be something—be a family—you’re pushing me away.”

“I’m trying to keep you safe,” Joel repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“And what if I don’t want safe?” Ellie shot back, her voice shaking with frustration. “What if I want you?”

Joel swallowed hard, unable to find the words to answer her. He had spent so long keeping her at arm’s length, convincing himself that it was for her own good. But now, standing here, watching her fight to stay close to him, he realized how much he needed her too. How much she had become a part of his life, of him.

Joel’s jaw clenched, the weight of everything pressing down on him. He didn’t want to hurt Ellie, didn’t want to push her away, but he felt trapped. Torn between protecting her and staying with the new life that was growing inside you. He took a deep breath, his voice low and firm, but his heart breaking as he spoke.

“That’s final, Ellie,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “You’ll go with Tommy.”

The words seemed to echo in the room, heavy and irreversible. Ellie’s face crumpled in disbelief, anger flashing through her eyes, but before she could respond, Joel turned and walked out, the ache in his chest almost unbearable.

He moved through the quiet house, his footsteps heavy, his heart even heavier. His mind raced with guilt, fear, and uncertainty. He didn’t want to lose Ellie, but he also couldn’t leave you behind, not with the baby on the way. He just couldn’t.

As he reached the bedroom where you were sleeping, he paused in the doorway. The soft sound of your steady breathing filled the room, offering a strange kind of peace amidst the chaos swirling inside him. Joel leaned against the doorframe, his eyes fixed on your sleeping form, wondering how everything had become so complicated.

He stepped inside, moving quietly so as not to wake you. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he ran a hand through his hair, staring down at his hands as if the answers to his problems might appear there. The weight of his decision pressed down on him, and for the first time in a long while, Joel felt truly lost.

You stirred in your sleep, sensing his presence. Your eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the dim light in the room. Seeing Joel sitting there, shoulders slumped, staring down at his hands, you felt a surge of concern wash over you.

“What’s wrong?” you asked softly, your voice groggy from sleep but laced with worry.

Joel flinched slightly, as if he hadn’t expected you to wake up. He shook his head, his eyes not meeting yours. “Nothin’,” he muttered, his voice quiet and strained. “Go back to sleep.”

But you knew better. You could see the tension in his body, the heaviness in his expression. You reached out, gently touching his arm, urging him to lie down beside you. “Joel… talk to me.”

He hesitated for a moment, the weight of the world still pressing down on him. But instead of saying anything, he let out a long breath and slid under the covers next to you. His movements were slow, deliberate, as if every action carried the burden he was trying to hide.

You shifted closer to him, resting your head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat, steady but faster than usual. His arm wrapped around you almost instinctively, holding you close, but you could feel the tension in his muscles, the internal battle he was fighting.

“You don’t have to carry it all on your own,” you whispered, your hand gently tracing patterns on his chest.

Joel’s arm tightened around you, but he didn’t respond right away. After a long silence, he finally spoke, his voice low and rough. “I’m tryin’ to keep everything together… for you, for the baby… for Ellie.”

You looked up at him, your heart aching at the sight of the pain etched into his face. “And who’s keeping you together, Joel?”

He didn’t answer. He just held you tighter, as if you were the only thing keeping him grounded in that moment. The silence stretched between you, heavy but comforting in its own way.

Joel exhaled slowly, the tension in his body softening just a little as he held you close. He could feel your warmth against him, the steady rhythm of your breath, and it made something inside him loosen—a little piece of that ever-present weight.

He ran a hand through your hair, his voice barely above a whisper. “You know,” he started, his rough tone softening, “I used to think I was too broken for this… for love, for family, for you.”

You lifted your head slightly, looking at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “Joel…”

But he continued, his words flowing quietly into the night. “But you—you’ve been so good to me. You, with your stubbornness and your heart… you gave me somethin’ I thought I’d never have again. You make me want to be better. For you, for the baby.”

His hand traced slow, gentle circles on your back, and you couldn’t help but laugh softly, the heaviness in the air easing just a little. “You’re a sap, Joel,” you teased, though your heart was fluttering at his words.

Joel chuckled, the sound low and raspy, but it carried a warmth you hadn’t heard from him in a while. “Yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” he said with a small smirk, his eyes softening as he looked at you.

You settled back against his chest, your cheek pressed to the steady rise and fall of his breath. His hand continued to stroke your back, grounding both of you in that moment. But even as the quiet warmth between you spread, you could feel there was something deeper weighing on him still.

After a few moments, Joel spoke again, this time more serious. “There’s somethin’ I gotta do. And you’re not gonna like it.”

You shifted slightly, lifting your head to look at him again, your brows furrowing with concern. “Joel, what do you mean?”

His eyes flickered with something—guilt, regret—but he swallowed it down, forcing a gentle smile for you. “You’re gonna hate me for a little while, darlin’. But I need to do what’s right. For you. For Ellie. For this family.”

You opened your mouth to protest, worry creeping into your chest, but Joel stopped you with a soft kiss on your forehead. “Just trust me,” he whispered. “I’ll make it right.”

You searched his eyes, seeing the weight of the decision he had made. Part of you wanted to push, to ask him what he meant, but the other part knew better. Joel had always carried the burden of protecting those he loved, even when it hurt him.

Eventually, the quiet comfort of his presence and the exhaustion of the day began to take over. You rested your head back on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath you.

“I trust you, Joel,” you whispered, though your mind still whirled with questions.

He held you close, his arm tightening around you, and for a moment, he felt like he could breathe again. But he knew, deep down, that the decision he had made would change things. For better or worse, he would protect the people he loved, even if it meant you’d be angry with him for a time.

As your breathing began to slow, sleep tugging at you, Joel leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “I love you,” he whispered into the quiet, his voice raw with emotion. “No matter what happens. I love you.”

You didn’t respond, already drifting off to sleep on his chest, but the warmth of his words followed you into your dreams.

Joel he couldn’t stop feeling his heart breaking at the sight of you sleeping on his chest right now. He had made you believe that safety was a place wherever he was, he made you believe that you were going to have a place to sleep next to him to keep the demons away.

Joel, still wide awake, stared at the ceiling, the weight of his decision settling heavily over him. But for now, with you sleeping peacefully beside him, he could pretend that everything would be okay, just for a little while longer.

You slowly woke to the soft morning light filtering through the curtains, stretching and blinking against the brightness. As your mind cleared, you reached for Joel, but the spot next to you was empty. A sense of unease settled in your stomach.

Sitting up, you glanced around the room, noticing the stillness. That’s when your eyes caught sight of a folded piece of paper on the nightstand, the sight of it sending a rush of anxiety through you. You could see your name written in Joel's familiar handwriting, and your heart sank.

You reached for the letter, your fingers trembling slightly as you unfolded it. The words blurred for a moment, but you forced yourself to focus, the reality of the situation washing over you as you read:

Darlin’,

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I have to do this. I’m leaving you here while I take Ellie to the Fireflies. I thought long and hard about it, and I believe it’s what’s best for all of us.

I can’t risk losing you or the baby. I don’t want to drag you into danger. This is something Ellie needs to do, and I can’t leave her behind. I hope you can understand.

You’re stronger than you know, and I trust you to take care of yourself. I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise. Just… please take care of yourself and the baby.

I love you.

—Joel

Your heart raced as you reread the letter, each line cutting deeper than the last. Confusion, anger, and heartbreak swirled within you, each emotion colliding as you tried to process his decision. He was leaving. Leaving you behind to take Ellie away, and you had no way to stop him.

You stood abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor as you rushed to the door, but there was only silence on the other side. You felt a surge of frustration and fear; how could he think this was for the best?

After a moment, you took a deep breath, trying to ground yourself. You could be angry later, but right now, you needed to find him. You grabbed your jacket and hurried out of the bedroom, determination pushing you forward.

“Joel!” you called out, your voice echoing through the empty house. There was no response, only the quiet that surrounded you. You raced down the hall, hoping to find him somewhere inside, but he was nowhere to be found.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you stepped outside, the cool air hitting your skin. You squinted against the light, scanning the area for any sign of him.

The sight of him made your heart drop. Tommy’s face said everything. He looked worn, the weight of the situation clear in his eyes, and that only fueled your rising panic. You rushed toward him, emotions spilling over as tears began to blur your vision.

“Tommy!” you cried, your voice breaking. “Have you seen Joel? He… he’s leaving me here!”

Tommy stepped forward, his arms opening instinctively as you reached him. You collapsed into his embrace, the warmth of his support contrasting sharply with the cold fear wrapping around you. As he held you close, your tears flowed freely, each sob echoing the pain and confusion swirling inside.

“It’s okay,” Tommy murmured, his voice steady but thick with emotion. “I’m here. You’re not alone.”

You buried your face in his shoulder, the reality of the situation crashing over you like a tidal wave. “He thinks he’s doing what’s best, but he’s not! I can’t believe he would leave me.”

Tommy held you tighter, rubbing soothing circles on your back. “I know. I know it hurts. But Joel cares about you—about both of you—more than anything. He’s just scared.”

“But I need him here!” you exclaimed, pulling back slightly to look him in the eyes, the pain reflected back at you. “I don’t want to be left behind. We’re supposed to be a family!”

“I’m your family,” Tommy whispered, his voice steady and sincere.

You felt a flicker of comfort in his words, but it didn’t erase the emptiness Joel’s absence left behind.

………

“Tommy,” Joel had said, his voice low and urgent as he leaned closer, eyes dark with concern. “I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Tommy replied, sensing the gravity of the moment.

“Take care of my baby,” Joel had insisted, his expression fierce. “Promise me they’ll be okay.”

Tommy had nodded, ready to reassure him. “Of course, Joel. I’ll do everything I can to keep the baby safe.”

But then Joel’s gaze sharpened, a hint of desperation in his voice. “No, I mean my baby,” he clarified, referring not just to the life growing inside you but to you as well. “Promise me both will be okay.”

Tommy had felt the weight of that request, the unspoken fears underlying Joel’s words. “You have my word, brother. I’ll protect them both.”

……

Tags 💌: @jasminedragoon @orcasoul @missladym1981 @hiroikegawa @eleganthottubfun @lumpypoll @cuteanimalmama @thespookywookies @goodvibesonly421 @karaslqve @greenwitchfromthewoods @somedayheaven @bambisweethearts @joelsteinfeld @guelyury @biapascal @picketniffler @mrsyixingunicorn10 @httpvomitello @kulekehe

If you want to be removed, feel free to tell me.

[kryannoy]

wanna cuddle the bear, the bear in question : sitetampo

genre: fluff

a/n: i'm still obsessed with him. oh! and i was playing wuwa while putting his live in the background to pretend like i'm in a discord chat with him and his friend, and it felt nice! i don't watch his live but i just wanna hear his voice. would definitely do it again <3

He looks so cuddlyyyyy

You can't help it!

Every chance you get, you'd throw yourself onto him, not caring yet caring if he gets hurt from the impact.

Then you'd nuzzle your face into his hair or his chest, arms wrapped around his waist, squeezing him tight until he groans out an "owwwww!" in pain.

You'd loosen your grip and look up at him. He has a smile, wide, until it bursts open and his chest vibrates from laughter.

Gosh, you love your life-size, realistic, huggable bear.

Sometimes you would even throw yourself onto him when he's on the bed playing video games and hug him tight, taking a big whiff of his scent before getting up, leaving him still groaning in pain, to continue the things you need to do.

When he's washing the dishes or making something and his back is empty and tempting, you'd still hug him from behind and nuzzle your face in between his shoulder blades.

He'd jump from your sudden assault but his hand finds its way to yours and gives a few thumb rubs before he continues doing what he's doing.

When he's done and you're still attached to him, he wipes his hands and turns around facing you to hug you back. He walks forward while you walk backwards. He'll make sure you don't stumble and he makes his way to the sofa and drops both of you onto the soft cushion. Still hugging, of course.

If he has the energy, he playfully wrestles you around. Because he's stronger than you, he'll manhandle you like a life-size teddy bear instead.

Let's say you wanna tease him.

When you hug him from behind and he's left vulnerable, your hands sneakily went under his shirt to feel his stomach around. Either that, or you lift his shirt just to see his cute, subtle abs. Of course both ways end up with him abruptly leaning forward—bumping you a little too hard in the process, but that's the price you get—and pulling his shirt back down while laughing.

He'll turn around and try to do the same to you so you can understand how he feels. But that ends up with him tickling you because it was ticklish when you did it.

Most of the time, he really doesn't understand why you do it—like, why you suddenly jump onto him and held him so tight he couldn't breathe just to leave him alone again :(

He kinda needs some explanation TT

[meanbossart]

Oh boy, VaM is kind of a trial and error experience LOL I couldn't really show you how to use the interface and stuff without a whole video or something, but it's not THAT difficult to get a hang of if you just give yourself a day or two to play around, not to mention the number of tutorials you find out there. Luckily, if you only want to use it as a reference software that makes the process far easier (to this day I have no idea how to animate on that thing, since that's not what I use it for)

As for how I use it, it's pretty self explanatory - if there's a complicated pose I want to draw but I'm either having trouble with it, or just want to double-check angles/anatomy, I will use it as a resource! I use for most of my "proper" pieces (y'know, the nicer looking ones) and every once in a while for my silly comics if I'm having trouble with a pose.

Lets use this drawing for example (the character on top of DU drow belongs to @namespara )

I don't draw a lot of mud-wrestling (shocking, I know) but I had an idea of the kind of pose I wanted them to be in. So the very first thing I did was make a rough sketch of what I was envisioning:

I often do a rough sketch first, even If I know I'm going to be pulling the program up because A) It's less tedious than adjusting the models over and over again until I pick a pose and B) because sometimes I'll decide I don't need the reference, after all, and so that's 30 minutes I'll have spared myself of playing around on the software.

Now, this is a pretty complicated pose! It's in a weird angle and the bodies are making contact in ways I'm not used to depicting, so I did choose to whip out VaM for this one. I went into the program and after some messing around, I flopped my little dolls together like this:

Now something really cool about VaM is that you can completely customize your models, and if you have the patience, I would definitely encourage you to do so! Obviously, you don't have to make picture perfect replicas of every single character you have, but as you can see here I have made a DU drow "decoy" to help me better understand some of his features when I draw him: he has a strong brow, a short nose, a square jawline - these are all going to look a very specific way from certain angles, and I might not always be sure of how to draw it right! So it's useful to have models that bear SOME semblance to the character so you can better understand how different viewpoints will affect their bone structure and mass.

Also thank fucking god for the elf-ear slider. Figuring out how to draw those shits from certain angles was a huge pain in the ass when I started drawing DnD races.

So, with the reference in hand, I go over the sketch again:

Now you may notice that I don't stick to the reference 100%. There's three reasons for this:

posing on VaM is tedious as hell. You can get something incredibly natural looking and picture-perfect to reference from if you wish, but it's going to take you hours to do. So, for the most part I just slap guys together until the results are "close enough" and use that.

In my opinion, you should always aim to ENHANCE your reference material, not replicate it exactly!

While VaM is a PRETTY DANG GOOD source of anatomical reference, it isn't perfect, I often supplement it with further reference from real life resources or make tweaks based on my own knowledge where I catch it falling short (and, antithetical to what I just said, I sometimes fuck the anatomy up further on purpose if I think it looks better that way LOL it's all jazz baby).

Then lines, color, yada yada. I don't have a tutorial on that and I don't think I could make one, because my process is chaotic as hell, but I do at times use Virt-a-mate as loose reference for lighting too when coloring - waaaaayyyy less so however, because that process is even more tedious and I feel like I often get better results by just winging it. It is a feature of the program though, and I'm sure it would be helpful for someone who has a difficult time visualizing lights and shadows. I only started using this program a few months ago, so I happened to already have a pretty good understanding of that kind of thing and just don't personally feel like I get much out of that particular mechanic.

Here's a few other examples of pieces that I made reference for (WARNING: Suggestive)

Now, for the question many of you may want to ask:

"Can I trace this junk?"

And to that, I say: Buddy, you can do whatever the hell you want with the reference material you created.

However,

If your goal is to learn and improve your art, and to recreate realistic proportions and anatomy from memory, tracing won't help you.

Developing your own style, your muscle memory, and personal technique will all be hindered by choosing to trace instead of drawing from observation, so I would encourage against it. Hell - even when tracing is employed as a technique, it's usually by high-skill realism & concept artists who are looking to either cut some corners, save time, or just double-check their own proportions in order to improve further - if you try tracing as a beginner, you will most definitely find the result to still look stiff and "off".

So trust me, there is so much more to be gained from drawing from observation. Make note of tangents, compare proportions, use all the elements of the picture to dictate where and how things should go - it will be a far more rewarding experience.

Hopefully this has been helpful! VaM is a really cheap program (you get it on the guys' patreon for I think 8 dollars, just google it!) and it's definitely been worth my money as an artist since I found it. Learning to use it can be a little intimidating at first glance, but as I said above you only really need a day plus one or two tutorials to get a hang of the interface.

A fair warning though, IT IS A SOFTWARE MADE FOR VIRTUAL SEX/ADULT ANIMATION So when looking it up expect to see a some spicy content.

[sukuromi]

NSFW 18+ content ahead. Minors, do not interact with me or any of my works.

notes from poppy: i say i'm an umemiya girly but i am a filthy stinkin' LIAR!

content warnings: reader briefly daydreams about a threesome with togame and umemiya (please do not go in with high expectations. this was my writing warm-up for the day, i edited this like once. it's all over the place lol)

There are two things that you hate about yourself : The involuntary small whimper that tumbles out of your mouth whenever you see a guy you want to fuck, and then the inevitable zoning out you do when he's trying to talk to you. They're nasty habits, truly, but you're trying to do better.

You still don't know how your boyfriend HAJIME UMEMIYA didn't notice either of these things when you went out on your first date with him. He was showing you pictures of his new plant babies, and while you sat there all night nodding and trying to listen, all you could think about was his hands all over you back at your apartment. You had to know exactly what his dick situation was, texting your mutual friend Toma about it when Hajime excused himself to the restroom. But Toma responded that he would come over to the restaurant and personally kick your ass if you asked again, so you dropped it.

However, it did not take much convincing to get Hajime into your apartment that night. All you had to do was tell him you wanted to start having plants in your apartment, and he walked right into your place, and eventually, into your bedroom. The rest is history.

The thing about Hajime though is that he has a lot of friends - so many friends. So many friends that you have completely forgotten half of their names.

But there has always been one name that your brain will not let you forget.

You’re doing your best to hold it together right now being introduced to his best friend, but the fact that JOU TOGAME is just as strong and tall as Hajime has your head spinning.

You shift nervously from foot to foot as Jou and Hajime catch up, trying to avoid eye contact with him, almost blinding yourself with the venue's spotlights in the process. Maybe if you no longer have your eyesight, you no longer have to think about Jou's fingers wrapping around your ankles and bending you exactly how he wants you, before his cock starts making a home for itself deep inside you.

Your head swims with other unholy thoughts - peppered in with the actual dialogue of Jou and Hajime's conversation.... Something about how Taiga is getting stronger with every wrestling match and he did really well tonight. It all sounds like nonsense to you because all you can focus on is their lips, and what it would feel like if they left no part of you untouched by them.

How would it go, exactly? Would Hajime even let Jou touch you? Would Jou have to keep his hands to himself the whole time, or would he be able to join in? Would Hajime finally become territorial - the way you've been begging him to, even just for a little bit - and force you to look at him while Jou was in the corner, knowing full well he had you in the palm of his hand?

You can't help yourself and quickly glance down at Jou's sweatpants, but then immediately regret it.

"So you're the one I've heard so much about." Jou smiles warmly at you, "It's nice to finally meet you."

And as Jou takes his much larger hand into yours, before bringing it closer and giving the top of your hand a tender kiss, the whimper falls out of your mouth.

You hope nobody heard – hopefully all this ruckus from this end-of-the-night wrestling match hoopla is too loud – but the briefest chuckle against the top of your hand tells you otherwise.

Oh god.

You’re so fucked.

“It’s a shame Hajime was able to get to you first. I have to admit, I’m jealous.” Jou says, letting go of your hand and placing his own into the pocket of his sweatpants.

Your eyes follow his movement - and you swear, you swear that he intentionally pulls the fabric taut... just for the smallest moment so you can see what you've done to him in this three minute conversation.

But then the outline disappears and your eyes snap up to his just as quick, and he has the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

“Yeah, I’m really lucky, aren’t I?” Hajime chuckles, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him.

And you swear to God that there's a sparkle in Jou’s eyes as he makes eye contact with you again, and the smirk he gives you sends a shiver up your spine.

“You sure are.”

[alex-thegiraffeboyy]

Chapter 7: Nocturne (Interlude)

Bewitched masterlist

Summary: You and Vi spend the day together and have heart-to-heart conversations. They also remember how easy it is to be with each other.

Words: 4.0k

Warnings: Mentions of death, quick mention of injury, lots of feelings on display and overall lots of love for Vi because she deserves it.

N/A: I was late? Yes, I did. But I think it was worth it

You still can't believe Vi is with you again. It seems almost impossible, something out of a dream.

You hug her tightly, fearing that if you don't she might disappear again. She thinks the same.

So you stand there for a while, holding each other until you feel ready to pull away, just long enough to see each other's faces. They both let out a laugh when they see their faces covered in tears. Puffy eyes, dripping noses and shaky smiles.

But there is no vision they would like to have more than this one right now.

Ekko watches them a few feet away with a smile before deciding to leave them alone, knowing they'll both be fine.

You notice Vi's tattoo on her cheek and can't help but let out a chuckle as you gently stroke it "I knew your ego was big. But I didn't think so much." Vi laughs, but at the same time she doesn't seem to be there, her gaze roaming over the scar on your left cheek along with the missing piece of your ear. But you don't notice.

"What can I say? It's a quick way to get recognized in prison" she comments in a distracted voice, raising her arm to stroke the scars on your face. You panic and can't help but tense up. You know she's going to ask you, but you wish he wouldn't. "What happened?"

For a moment you don't know what to say, you stand still with an uncomfortable look, you rock a little to the side, pursing your lips, not knowing if you should tell her at this point. "I'm sorry if it's too personal, I just-" just as you remember, Vi still tends to have verbal barfs when something makes her anxious. You don't let her finish, shake your head and smile at her as best you can. "I think it's too soon for that" you reply softly, giving her arm a gentle squeeze "We'll have time to talk about these things."

They catch up a bit. You ask her about what she meant by being in prison and she tells you the short story "We'll have time to talk about these things" she repeats with a smirk. You roll your eyes and laugh with her. You are about to ask her about how she managed to get out when Ekko returns with a hurried step towards you.

"It's the enforcer" he announces dryly, he directs her gaze a moment towards you before looking harshly at Vi "She's getting more and more upset" you hear the woman curse under her breath, while you, confused and somewhat annoyed look at the two of them, trying to understand what they're talking about.

"What?"

"Listen, let me explain" Vi puts her hands on your shoulders and you look at her seriously before looking at Ekko as well. Your brows furrow on your forehead as you look at him, you let out a sigh and the sight reminds you of when you were kids and you scolded them for playing too hard at wrestling, they both always had this weird grimace of regret, embarrassment and seriousness, which almost makes you smile if it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation.

"I hear you."

"She got me out of prison" the seriousness in her voice leaves no room for doubt. Your jaw tenses, but you still hear her "She's here for Powder, but I'm not sure why."

You stand still processing her words. The fact that Jinx is involved doesn't make you feel any better. You look over Vi's shoulder so you can see Ekko, who nods in your direction, confirming what she just told you. Vi can tell the hesitation in your gaze by the way you look at everything but her "We can trust her."

"Vi..."

"She saved my life twice today. Without her I'd still be in Stillwater or I'd be in a hole at the bottom of Zaun" You look at her with wide eyes, pressing your lips together at her powder blue gaze, as piercing as you remember it "I owe her" you let out a heavy sigh and click your tongue.

"I guess we'll just have to see."

🦋

It turns out that the enforcer's name is Caitlyn, and, besides being a cute and rich girl, she also seems to be a good person.

So after untying her the four of them take a walk around the lair while they talk about Caitlyn's mission, who until after Ekko shows her the hextech gem would have the strength to tell them everything.

A couple of hours later you realize that night has begun to fall, which reminds you that you should, in fact, be helping in the kitchen, but just this once you decide that you will give yourself the day off from that self-imposed responsibility. From your spot under the tree you can see families coming out of their 'homes' to go down to the communal kitchen. The shelter fills with even more voices and life than at first. The night lights come on and a soft smile spreads across your face. This view always makes you happy.

Maybe if you were a little more attentive you'd notice that Vi is watching you.

"Where is everyone going?" asks the blue-haired girl next to you. The air gets cooler and cooler and the aroma of food begins to waft through the air.

"It's almost time for dinner, everyone is going to the communal kitchen" you reply quietly, still looking with a smile at the children running past you, some of them recognize you and Ekko and wave to you before walking on.

"Speaking of food..." Vi's hesitant voice hangs in the air for a moment before everyone turns to look at her "Could we eat some too? I'm starving" A chuckle escapes your lips, and rolling your eyes you rise from your spot.

"Let's go before it's over."

🦋

After managing to get your portion of food in the kitchen, as the four of you look for a table to sit at, Scar approaches to the both of you, telling that he needed to talk to you both and asking if you could give him some time, so Ekko and you agree, knowing that you need to update him on the plan you want to make tomorrow anyway.

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a sec" and with that you walk in the direction of the two girls. You let them know that you both need to go take care of some business, but that you will see them after dinner.

"Don't worry, I promise we'll have time to talk" you tell Vi when you notice her fidgeting and not knowing how to ask for some of your time.

But as you spend time catching up with both boys all you can think about is that you want dinner to be over so you can talk to the pretty girl with the ash blue eyes.

🦋

"How do you know them?"

"Hm?" Vi raises her head in confusion, looking at the enforcer with a blank stare.

"Yeah, how do you know them? The firelight leaders, I mean."

Vi chews her food as she tries to locate the table where you guys are sitting "Sunshine and little man were adopted by my dad's best friend" her gaze lingered once she found it, looking at your profile and the serious way you seemed to handle the topic you were talking about, after a moment she decided to lower her gaze back to her plate "Sunshine was my best friend and Ekko was my sister's."

Caitlyn is silent for a moment, glancing back to where Vi had left her gaze seconds before, finding the three of them engaged in a conversation that, from their expressions, seemed complicated. "Why Sunshine? She doesn't seem like a very... Warm person, you know?"

Vi let out a frustrated sigh, still staring at her plate "You ask a lot of questions, you know?"

"I thought we were past the part about not wanting to know anything about each other?"

She doesn't answer right away, so there are a few seconds of silence with the sound of voices and trays clattering in the background.

.

.

.

"When we were teenagers she was the only person besides my dad who was always there to take care of me, even when I insisted it wasn't necessary" Caitlyn almost failed to hear her, her voice being so low what is almost a whisper, a sigh that comes out more like an airy laugh escapes through her lips as a soft smile escapes the corners "And whenever we saw each other she had a smile on her face. Always so focused and kind" her gaze, now softened now turned to you again "My own little sunshine."

🦋

An hour later everyone is returning home, happy and with full stomachs. You keep your promise and join the two girls in front of the mural with the faces of their former friends. As you get closer you can hear the voices of both girls, but you don't understand what they are saying.

From a distance you can see that Caitlyn is making a skeptical gesture to Vi, and that Vi looks embarrassed. But you can't find out any more because they both hear your footsteps, turning to look at you.

You feel uncomfortable, as if you're interrupting something, and your heart can't help but squeeze a little. Once you reach them you clear your throat as you see them giving each other strange looks.

Again, awkward.

"I guess you guys are tired, so we'll lend them a room to stay in today" and not wanting to linger a second longer in that feeling you start walking towards an area where they have built some single rooms for some of the shelter residents.

You can hear them whispering behind you, so you assume they want to be alone, so you walk as fast as you can.

"Well here it is" you stop in front of one of the wooden doors and carefully open it, letting them see inside "I asked one of the guys to leave them a couple of sheets and a change of clothes, but I showed you where I sleep, so.... You both know where to find me if you need anything" You press your lips together for a moment, and bid them goodbye with an awkward 'goodnight' in a hurried manner. You don't take more than two steps before you feel someone tug you by the elbow, though.

And maybe it's out of habit or because you're unnecessarily anxious that the first thing you do is try to hit the person who just stopped you.

To your good fortune, Vi has good reflexes.

"Shit" she barely manages to deflect your punch, while you open your eyes like saucers, looking at her with great regret and embarrassment, you begin to apologize nervously. "Hey, it's okay, I'm sorry, I scared you and I... Uhmmm..." Vi lets out a tired sigh and it takes everything in her to be able to look you in the eye "Can I sleep with you?"

🦋

"Sorry for the mess, I don't usually expect visitors other than Ekko."

Getting to your room - though more like a small apartment - was awkward. To say the least. You talked a bit, yes, but you both have so much to say and tell each other that you just don't know how to begin. Not that the situation wasn't helping them much either.

What you might call the living room is full of tools. There are scattered on the floor some prototypes of your inventions, paints, pencils and a few other things. In one corner you have a large table full of plans, sketches and parts, an invention left half done. You push some things aside as you walk by, leaving a space clear enough for Vi to pass through without any problems.

Once in your room you light some oil lamps and approach the space where you keep your clothes. Vi follows you closely, observing every detail of the place where you live. She notices that you have pictures taped to your walls, and realizes that some of them are memories from when you were teenage.

"I think I have a couple of things you could use for the night" she murmurs more to yourself than to her, while Vi continues to look at your work with curious eyes. But there's one that catches her eye. One that, curiously, is not stuck on your wall, but on the small table next to your bed. The sheet is no bigger than her hand and it's a bit crumpled, so she take it carefully.

It's the image - draw - of the two of you, at fifteen years old sitting on the roof of the place you two used to go to every afternoon. Your place. It's done in third person, as if someone is watching you both from the entrance to the stairs to get to the roof. Her expression softens and she allows herself to smile for real. But it is as she is about to put the drawing back in place that she realizes there was another drawing underneath that sheet. A portrait of her. She's surprised to see herself - albeit in her younger version - looking at it with the most joyful and sweet expression she could imagine (Later she will realize that you always draw her with expressions similar to that). She didn't even know she could make an expression like that when she was that age. She always wondered how you saw her through your eyes.

She thinks she has an answer now.

But it's not just the portrait that makes her wonder and feel her breath catch, it's the details. On the corner of the sheet you have some Violet flowers glued, on one side you have carefully written "My pretty, pretty Violet" with a little heart at the end.

She feels her eyes sting and can feel tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She also realizes too late that you have been trying to talk to her.

"Vi? Is everything..." Your question is half-asked when you look up at her and realize where she is. Of what she's holding in her hand. And where she's looking. Holy shit.

You don't move from your spot, but your heart beats as if you've just run a marathon to escape from the enforcers. And at that moment, heart in hand, you decide to start this conversation you've been trying so hard to have.

"A few years ago, shortly after the... accident I started to be afraid of forgetting things" you tell her quietly. You are afraid now, you are afraid of what she might feel "Their faces, our memories... anything about you guys" while what you say is not a lie, you dare not confess that above all else, you were afraid of forgetting her and everything you once went through. "I think that fear became stronger after the accident with Jinx" it's too late when you realize what you just said, you forget how easy it has always been to talk to Vi. Even now.

That seems to make Vi completely reconnect with her surroundings, causing her to carefully put down the leaf in her hand to its original place "What happened?".

You inhale sharply, knowing you won't be able to avoid this topic much longer. You watch her turn to you, looking at you gently and firmly. You exhale before giving her a small smile, you get up from your spot on the floor and lay the clothes you had picked out earlier on the bed "You'll want to get comfortable before that, it's kind of a long story."

You go out to change in the living room and then wait quietly for her, and when she gives you the okay you indicate where to leave her other clothes as you settle on the bed, patting the empty side next to you so she can settle in as well. You stand there for a moment, looking at each other and observing the changes in your features. Vi mutters your name under her breath. Not the sweet nickname she has always called you by. But by your real name "Tell me what happened these years" her request is almost a plea and you can't help but avert your gaze and grimace "Please..." you close your eyes for a moment, trying to calm down, and she takes your hand with a firm gentleness. So you tell her everything.

You tell her about the day of the explosion, about how you went to look for them and only found bodies, remains and ashes. How you thought they were all dead. This leads you to tell her about the first year, where you and Ekko tried to survive by selling some things from the store until you realized that no one went there anymore because there wasn't much to sell (and because almost everyone who had money spent it on shimer). You tell her about when you and Ekko found the tree that started the dream they had and how excited was when they found it. You also tell her about your time working at the brothel, some of your experiences, but mostly the information you got from there. Information that you both then used to help each other create the firelights and to inform yourselves of everything you needed to know about current life in the lanes.

"I should have been there" Her voice is filled with anger and guilt, the hand she holds tightens against yours as her thumb gently caresses your knuckles "Maybe if I had managed to stay we would have gotten ahead the four of us. We would have found another way to create the firelights. Maybe—"

"That's a good way to go crazy" you mutter as your own thumb makes discontinuous shapes on the skin on the side of his hand "I could say the same thing about if I'd gone with you to rescue Vander and we could go round and round about what would have happened, but we'd never get anywhere."

But telling her about life as one of Babette's girls only leads you to telling her about what happened with Jinx. From the client who told you about her to the moment Ekko ran into the den with you in his arms with an open bullet wound in the side of your face.

Vi feels her body tense, she doesn't know how to react to everything you just told her. Part of her wants to believe it's not true, that she's in a really bad dream and you're not telling her this. But the scar on your face... The look she saw in her sister's eyes when she was shooting at the firelights....

"I'm sorry" Vi doesn't realize you're saying something until you repeat it again. Over and over again. Even though it's more sobs than coherent words. Tears running down your cheeks unable to stop "I'm sorry I didn't take care of her like I promised. If I had been there for her... If I had found her sooner..." you say between hiccups and sobs. Vi can't blame you. She would never "I-I've tried" you hiccup "a few more times, but..." and you can't say anything else without it coming out unintelligible, so you just deny and rub your eyes in embarrassment.

Vi's heart breaks and she pulls you to her chest to hold you there, as if trying to keep all the pieces in one place "You said it yourself" she murmurs against your hair, her hands caress your back, while yours cling to her clothes "It's a good way to go crazy" her voice is low, maybe you wouldn't hear it if it weren't for her speaking next to the shell of your ear "I don't blame you for anything" your breathing slowly calms down, leaving a few sighs and sobs in its wake "Thank you for trying".

It takes you a moment, but you manage to reply "It's the least I could do".

It takes you a while to rearrange your thoughts and regulate your emotions, but you both hold each other and spoil each other in the process "Thank you for telling me about all this", you can only reply with a soft hum. As you pull away from Vi's chest you can see the stain of your tears on her clothes. An embarrassed moan leaves your lips "Shit, I'm sorry. I'll get you another" but Vi doesn't give you a second to get up before pulling you back to her side. She drapes her arms around your shoulders and waist as her legs tangle with yours, imprisoning you against her. "You're not going anywhere" she murmurs against your neck, pressing her face there.

You can't help but laugh, and even though you're ready to debate changing clothes, you hug her too "But-" "But nothing. Stay here with me" Vi lets out an exhale as she gently squeezes you against her body before softening all contact, dropping a little of her own walls as well "Please."

You understand the connotation of her words, the unspoken request that sneaks into the corners of what she just asked of you; 'Don't leave me. Not again.' It is the same request you dare not make to her "My clothes are literally in that corner, Violet" you tell her in a teasing tone, pulling her towards you so that she is lying on your chest. For a moment she's surprised, she's afraid of hurting you, she knows she's all muscle and it's heavy, but you don't let her move an inch and she realizes how comforting and comfortable she finds this position. So she stays like this "I don't give a fuck" she replies in a soft voice as she settles on top of you "You're impossible" you reply with a giggle, stroking her fluffy pink hair, smoothing it and brushing it away from her face with gentle caresses, she lets out a sigh of satisfaction "Not that I see you complaining".

They both stay up for a few (many) hours talking and catching up a bit. Vi tells you about the day of the explosion and how she was caught. You hold her through the story, every time her voice breaks, every time her body trembles as she tells you about seeing her brothers' bodies, about Vander's death, about how fast it all happened... About how she took it out on her sister... a part of you now understands why Jinx was so upset when she saw you. But you don't blame Violet. They were just kids. A little girl who had just lost everything.

She tells you a little about how life in prison was, the beatings, some entanglements with some girls (Vi always firmly remarking how little it always meant - In return you will also tell her about some quick relationships, clarifying the same thing), some fights she won, some she lost.

They joke and tease each other, and for a moment seem to remember how easy it has always been to be by each other's side.

And it is in the midst of laughter that Vi admits how much she has missed you and how much she needed you those seven years. Needless to say, you reciprocated the feeling.

You both stare at each other again, at this point it seems inevitable. You like to see the way she has changed over the years. How long her eyelashes have become, how sharp her face has become. You love every new scar and freckle. Violet always seemed beautiful to you. Even now (a hell of a lot more now, I'd like to say).

But you haven't been together for more than a few hours, so you decide not to think too much about it.

Now they switch positions, Vi puts you on her chest and rests her cheek on the topside of your head while you settle into the crook of her neck. You both have not been able to keep your hands off each other, always caressing, rubbing or touching some part of each other's body. Right now is no exception. Violet keeps one arm around your waist while the other crosses your back. You on the other hand embrace her around the waist.

Sleep begins to take hold of you, so you snuggle against each other and say goodnight to each other in tired murmurs.

And for the first time in many years, you both rest peacefully.

[splitfictionthings]

Cupcakes and Chaos

Mio... admittedly wasn't very good at this.

She had woken up at 4 am (ew), rolled out of the nice warm blankets (double ew) and wrapped herself snugly in a dressing gown and trekked down to the kitchen.

It was Zoe's (and by extension, Ella's) birthday today, but they hadn't been able to afford to go to England for Zoe's usual tradition of sitting by Ella's grave. They had known that it would be a possibility - not seeing her family for a while - but Zoe had been adamant that it was ok. But Mio knew that it was going to be hard for her.

She thought again about potentially moving to Zoe's family, but there were just so many possibilities for them here. Since their book release and the issues with Rader, they were needed nearby for both the court case and all the interviews and release parties, so even if they wanted to they couldn't really go there just yet. So here Mio was, trying to avoid the creaky floorboards in her overtired apartment as she started baking cupcakes.

Mio wasn't a great baker. She wasn't even a good baker. She was impatient, which was never a good trait when it came to drawn out processes. Still, she found the recipe she'd bookmarked and got out the ingredients, placing every bowl and utensil down as slowly as possible to try and keep Zoe asleep.

It was what Zoe would consider to be a 'soothing process' - cracking the eggs, measuring the flour, mixing the batter - but all Mio felt was bored. Still, she diligently poured the mixture into the cases, placing the tray in the oven and setting the timer.

Void meowed, and she frowned. "Hey, cut that out. You're gonna wake her."

Void just glared at her, green eyes baleful, and she sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll feed you. But I'm marking it off on the chart."

Void just meowed again, and she glared at him. "Shut up." She hissed, grabbing the wet food.

After what felt like an eon staring through the door to make sure they didn't burn, the timer went off and Mio carefully pulled them out. She hissed, the metal tray so hot she could feel her fingertips burning through the oven gloves Zoe had bought (with little pigs on them because of fucking course) but she still carefully deposited the tray on the counter before violently flapping her hands around and blowing on her fingertips. Void sat on the floor, looking at her in what appeared to be disdain.

"Like you could do better," Mio grumbled.

He made a noise that sounded like 'mrrp', before he started licking his paws. Rude. Mio had already washed her hands, thank you very much.

Now, Mio didn't know how to make the big spirals on top of cupcakes that she saw Zoe do on the regular, but she had made cupcakes with her dad as a kid, so she carefully mixed icing sugar and water until the liquid was thick enough that she could carefully spoon it on top. A dollop of sprinkles later and - well, they weren't good. They looked like the kind of cupcakes you'd get at a school function. But they weren't burnt, and Zoe wouldn't laugh at her.

Well. Not too much, anyway.

Cautiously, she tried one. It was pretty basic - plain vanilla flavour, but she hadn't mistaken salt for sugar and they didn't taste bad, so she'd consider it a win. So she plated them up, clumsily stuck two candles in one of them (they were too big) and headed back up to their bedroom.

Zoe would be up before long, she thought, placing it down on the side table and curling up in the big, squishy armchair they'd liberated from a charity shop downtown. They'd managed to wrestle the thing home, bickering the entire time about where to put it before realising they didn't actually have enough space in the living room. They'd ended up cramming the thing in the bedroom, neither of them willing to go back to the shop and admitting their error.

It was a comfortable seat - all white leather and plush. So comfortable that Mio actually fell back asleep, face smushed against the top of the chair. She only woke up when Void jumped on her stomach, wheezing slightly as the cat crunched - wait, crunched?

Yep, that was a treat. Mio frowned, looking at the bed.

Zoe was - ah. Zoe was pretending to be asleep, if her face said anything about it. She looked like she was trying (and failing) to keep from laughing. The cupcakes were untouched, but a bag of cat treats were peeking out of the side table drawer, and around 3 or 4 were scattered around Mio on the chair.

"You have horrible aim." Mio groaned.

Zoe 'yawned', stretching in that horribly dramatic way Mio couldn't help but find amusing.

"Morning, Mio. What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean." She groused, standing up and wincing as everything cracked. "Ugh, that was loud."

"Just like a glowstick." Zoe grinned, eyes still half shut. They were definitely tinged with a kind of melancholy, though, that Mio refused to mention.

"Yeah well, don't crack me in half." She ran a hand through her hair, realising absently that it was half knotted and sticking up in some areas. Zoe's was splayed across their pillows, still hopelessly tangled but far more presentable if only due to the length.

"I..." She cleared her throat, refusing to look Zoe in the eye. "I made something. Y'know. Happy birthday and... and all that."

"Awww, thanks Mio!" Zoe sat upright, rubbing her eyes as she picked up the tray. "They're so cute!"

"It's nothing special," She deflected, waving a hand in Zoe's direction as she evicted Void from her lap. She was sure she was flushing again, and refused to look at the blonde.

"Still, I appreciate it." Zoe opened one of the cases, biting into one with glee. "These remind me of the cakes Ella and I used to make."

"Cake before breakfast?" Mio queried, "Not like the Zoe I know."

"Well, you've only got one birthday!" Zoe smiled, holding out an arm invitingly. Mio obliged, perching on the end of the bed and letting Zoe pull her onto her shoulder.

"That's true." She admitted. "I put candles in one but forgot we don't have any lighters."

"Ah, rats." Zoe sighed, "We can't just hit them to light them either."

"Will you ever let the teeth go!" Mio groaned, Zoe's laughter practically drowning her out.

"No!" Zoe swiped some icing on Mio's nose with a grin, the younger woman slapping her away gently and standing.

"I'm leaving."

"No you're not!" Zoe managed to grab her, tugging her back down and pinning her to the bed. A short struggle ensued, Zoe still trying to wipe icing on Mio's face and Mio trying to squirm away, squealing the whole time.

"Get off!" She wailed as a wet finger made it's way into her ear, "Eww!! This is not ok!! I do a nice thing and this is what I get??"

"Yep." Zoe perched on top of her, looking all too satisfied with herself. "You're having fun."

Mio stuck her tongue out, shrieking when Zoe went for another cupcake. "Ok! Ok! I surrender!"

"As you should." Zoe grinned, handing the cupcake to her this time instead of smearing it over her face. "Here. Enjoy the fruits of your labour - I'll get dressed."

"You're doing my hair!" Mio yelled, flopping back on the bed grumpily and biting into the cupcake.

Yeah. She'd done good.

[violentlyfeverish]

what i watched in january '25

a very solid month! i got around to shows that have been high on my watchlist for a while and ultimately found some new favourites.

see your love 看見愛 (tw, 2024)

this is, without a doubt, my favourite bl from this month and now one of my favourite bls of all time.

i could write paragraphs upon paragraphs expressing the sheer fondness i have for this show and its elements. the characters are complex, romance is well-written, and the themes and conflicts about communication have satisfying arcs, making for a very fulfilling and memorable show.

the attention to detail and care put into depicting shao peng's life and feelings, zi xiang's struggles and trauma, their individual growth and change is stellar. i love the way their bond strengthens as they support each other and encourage honest self-expression, creating space to be vulnerable and acknowledged for what others disregarded in the past. i'm in awe. it's beautiful. my most sincere praise and appreciation for the entire cast and crew that worked on this show. i'm gonna go watch the behind-the-scenes and keep an eye out for everyone's future projects <3

we best love: no. 1 for you (tw, 2021)

this show's primary strengths lie in the characters and the cast.

the characters, for one, have a very compelling dynamic. shu yi's competitiveness juxtaposed with shi de's feelings is really interesting, especially as we learn more about shi de's personality. he's willing to go to great lengths for shu yi even when disliked, including the whole "blackmail" inciting incident. while it felt contrived at first, i came to find the psychology of using your one-sided crush's one-sided rivalry with you to distract and help him get over his own one-sided crush just... fascinating. i keep thinking about shi de's convoluted way of thinking and coping with the feelings he's been wrestling with for years. shu yi, on the other hand, has spent many years harbouring disdain and trying to beat shi de. he's clearly very capable, so for his side, i like to wonder how often he might win if he wasn't so fixated on shi de, if he didn't feel so insecure in his presence in combination with growing up under extreme pressures to succeed.

for the other, the two leads do a wonderful job playing their characters. i love the way sam portrays shi de's loss of control (kissing under the pool, orchestrating their night in the clinic, the "blackmail") and simultaneous repression to the point of inability to accept shu yi's reciprocated feelings. the scene where he's patching up shu yi is a stand-out, where shi de tries his best to suppress the hurt and overwhelm from feeling like everything is unraveling. his micro-expressions and physicality -- downcast eyes and purposely-casual mannerisms -- are so, so good. i was also completely taken by yu's delivery throughout the show. there were multiple times i rewound specific sentences, especially during the bridge scene, to follow how he said his lines and the reaction they elicited. yu's facial expressions, the way he says 'i like you' then throws down his bag in defiance so he can prove he loves shi de are so striking. that whole scene is honestly marvelous, with every possible emotion playing out on shi de's face as he processes shu yi's confession and shu yi getting emotional again before says he wants this to count as shi de's first kiss.

too good.

we best love: fighting mr. 2nd (tw, 2021)

i have a lot to say about the second season.

i have some grievances with the plot, but my biggest issue is with shu yi's dad. the show wanted us to laugh at his silly antics, but they were juxtaposed with genuinely cruel, abusive things he'd done. it felt like they wanted a dramatic obstacle keeping shi de and shu yi apart, but then inexplicably still wanted him to be a likeable character? mind-boggling and very sloppy. he had potential to be a serious cause of distress, further fleshing out aspects of shu yi's childhood, like the pressures to live up to high expectations and i'm just gonna imagine that's what we got instead of a shockingly wishy-washy and frustrating character.

aside from that, while my problems with the root of the conflict persist, i must say the conflict itself is... really, really excellent.

the tension, the desire, the heart-wrenching familiarity and longing after so much time apart... it's no wonder they went with such a premise even when the set-up fell apart under scrutiny and honestly -- despite its faults -- i still love this season because of that. all the strengths from the first season continue, especially the lead actors, who are at the top of their game. just absolutely hitting it out of the park. and, since i knew what to look out for this time, i was able to enjoy their performances even more. their unexpected reunion had me holding my breath, their flashbacks hurt my heart, and i couldn't take my eyes off the screen when shi de showed up drunk, fully about to lose control. everything from the dialogue to the details of their micro-expressions is so well-done, and i love how yu portrays shu yi's barely-restrained anger giving in. throughout the whole season, it's a treat to see how he attempts to shield himself, build a facade of indifference that clashes with his innate honesty so hard it doesn't fool shi de for even a second.

overall, every bit of energy and effort is poured into their making moments truly glitter. and it really pays off. the sweetness, the domesticity, the callbacks and full-circle scenes are all incredibly effective. i wish some parts of the plot had received the same treatment, but i'll take what i can get. i love 'em.

the time of fever (kr, 2024)

i'm... not exactly sure how to word my thoughts on this.

everything from cinematography to dialogue to symbolism and characterisation is so, so carefully and thoughtfully put together. it truly feels like a meditative character study focused on one of my favourite pairs of all time, along with one of my favourite types of dynamics: fraught and fragile, full of uncertainty while at the same time harbouring strong familiarity.

there's technically not much plot, but i really admire how this series lays their foundation. i went back to watch their scenes from unintentional love story and now i keep thinking about what may have happened during those two years. it's crazy how i find musing about even the most mundane moments in their relationship super, super interesting. also, that orange scene changed my life.

light on me (kr, 2021)

this immediately became one of my favourite kbls/bls set in high school. each character is given time and care to develop, the romances are all fleshed-out, and i was blown away by how well-written the dynamic and interactions between the four friends are. the latter is the best part of the show, in my opinion; i loved seeing all of their unique interactions especially when sohee is no longer an antagonist -- i really liked her and shiwoon's love/hate friendship. shiwoon's entire character is a treat, tbh.

overall, a wholesome show with a love triangle done interestingly, care and consideration for every single character, and a final get-together that's really, really adorable.

to my star* (kr, 2021)

this is one of my favourite easier watches and i can see it becoming a comfort show. it requires some suspension of disbelief, but i adore the main couple and their story, how they grow closer during moments like cooking together. their touches and gestures of affection still feel like a gut-punch -- jiwoo immediately bringing taejoon's thumb to his mouth when he gets a cut, for example -- and my soft spot for loud, confident characters having underlying fragility is definitely indulged.

our dating sim (kr, 2023)

... i can't believe i forgot to include this show when it was one of my favourite shorter series this month. i love thinking about it.

the comedy hits, the characters are interesting, and their extensive history is really heart-wrenching especially when we get the revelations that we do during my favourite scene. in it, they're walking around, constantly in motion, telling each other how they feel and what the separation was like on their end. it's lighthearted but grounded. heavy emotions simmer underneath, but come to the surface in moments like ki tae alluding to having loved lee wan for over seven years.

their body language and mannerisms are just really effective, and now i want to rewatch so i can re-enjoy their unexpected (for lee wan, at least) reunion. highly recommend. cute ensemble cast and very compelling lead dynamic.

the eighth sense* (kr, 2023)

this was the first show i watched this year. as a sucker for fraught, fragile relationships, i think this is a pretty solid drama that delivers on touching moments that feel both grounded and earned.

my love mix-up!* (jp, 2024)

this was my second time watching this show. while i had some mild reservations about the story, i had a lot of fun with moments like the two eating lunch on the rooftop and ida defending aoki in front of everyone.

i hear the sunspot (jp, 2024)

this is my most recent watch. i have somewhat mixed feelings on it.

on one hand, i appreciate the attention to specific detail and attempt to include representation of different deaf and HoH people. as someone who's tired of the sole female character being the forced 'villain', i'm also at least glad she doesn't fall for kohei and create a love triangle. i actually really liked her character once that became apparent; her brief moments with taichi where they challenge each other's perspectives were thought-provoking and it made me wish we got better, more fleshed out friendships as a whole.

on the other hand, while the romantic resolution felt rushed, i still really liked taichi and kohei's relationship. taichi's efforts to help kohei, their mutual insecurity that they'd be abandoned once they're no longer of use, and the scenes where kohei signs he loves taichi and overhears him talking in the film club room are genuinely really sweet. taichi's empathy, validation of kohei's bottled feelings, and kohei's encouragement of taichi's outspoken personality were really heartwarming.

overall, i do have some hang-ups, but i definitely walk away with more to appreciate. there are a lot of fond moments that give me the warm and fuzzies, and i'm glad i watched.

a man who defies the world of bl (jp, 2021)

this is less a bl, more a comedic satire of its tropes and fans. i'll be honest, i watched this one at my sleepiest and more delirious, but i can still recall several moments i genuinely burst out laughing e.g. the mc yelling to stop the dialogue leading to a meet-cute, his exaggerated facial expressions, and just the absurdity of being in this world where guys are falling in love left and right based on nothing.

the ending is also pretty cute. i liked how we manage to get some development in the relationship, which sweetened the conclusion without feeling like too much of a departure from the original tone.

* indicates a rewatch

[moonzartz]

So me and my friend @stutter-bugzzy have been playing a lot of forsaken and we both have made our own killer concepts

The concept stutter came up with was a killer that was two souls mixed together and is based off of the old body swap potion

Aka this:

And the name they gave them are soul for the blue side and heart for the red

Here's the killer

Also I myself am making a forsaken killer,

The inspiration for the killer was how in the early 2000's people for some reason absolutely hated bacon hairs so I made a killer based on it

Here they are there called hated hair

And like all killers they have an ability to track survivors and his is almost the opposite of 1x's in how he does his, how he uses his tracking ability is by making a ring with his finger and thumb aka the I'm ok hand sign and looks through it and if you look through the hole there's a realistic eye looking through it as he says in his broken voice

I̍̅̀̎̊ s̠҉͍͊ͅẹ̿͋̒̕ẹ̿͋̒̕ y҉̃̀̋̑o̯̱̊͊͢ư̡͕̭̇ ḣ̖̻͛̓ā̤̓̍͘ḣ̖̻͛̓ā̤̓̍͘ḣ̖̻͛̓ā̤̓̍͘ḣ̖̻͛̓ā̤̓̍͘

And I already have a voice claim for him

The voice claim is fiddle sticks from league of legends

And what makes him unique is that unlike every killer he has a rage bar that slowly fills but fills faster every time he's stabbed or shot and the more full it is the more you see him scratching at his face and twitching violently

And once it fills up the person playing him and activate his rage state, when activated he stops moving for like 5 to 10 secs as he starts yelling and stretching and tearing at his face and rips open all the stitches on his face and stop using his weapon and starts running even faster on all fours and is much more dangerous and when he rages the map is filled with thick black fog

And as you noticed his left arm is much longer than his right one, and that his hand is less altered and still has normal fingers

For the arm it actually is apart of one of his abilities (also I based how it moves and looks off of the tf2 horror series Server blight) how this ability works is he'll place his arm on the ground and glitch it in the ground and his arm will infinitely stretch no matter how far he move from it and once pressing the ability button again he'll rubber band himself back to it, and in the process breaking every bone he has so once done for about 1sec you'll see every bone fix itself

And when you use his ranged ability (this ability is inspired by amy's ability from sonic.exe: the disaster) he throws his axe of a survivors and unlike most ranged abilities you can also aim it up and down so you can hit people that are above you and there are three things that can happen when he does this

1) the first thing that can happen is that if you miss the survivor with you axe you will lose your axe and you now have a new m1 were instead of slashing with your axe you slash with your clawed arm, it does do less damage but is faster thanks to having a quicker cool down and if you want your axe back you have to manually go and get it

2) the second thing that can happen is if you successfully hit the survivor you aiming at with your axe it will stick in then and will cause them to be stuck while having to hit very difficult skill checks like dbd but with multiple speed colors kinda like arm wrestling in the outlast trials and the better one to hit are much smaller and depending on which ones they hit affects the time to pull out the axe and be able to move again, but while there doing this you get a small speed boost and are going in their direction (p.s. you cannot throw the axe through walls and the speed of it is the same as koolkids brick) and what really make it a good ability and all the windows and high up snipes you can do

3) and the third thing that can happen is the if you throw your axe and it hits but kills the survivor it will do a unique kill animation were the survivor falls to their knees while the axe is in their chest and hated hair appears from a black fog the appears behind them and grabbes the axe and pulls it out and then lifts it and slammes it into their head over and over until it "cuts them in half" (can't really do that) and then go back to hunting the other survivors

And if you've noticed his axe looks a little weird for an axe doesn't it, well that's because his axe is make of a frying pan

And that's me and my friend @stutter-bugzzy forsaken killer concepts

[wrestlezaynia]

"Pardon."

Summary: Sami finds a way to make Kevin forgive him...for now.

A/N: I wrote this so unbelievably fast, holy shit! 💀 Please enjoy!

Warning: Must be 18+ to read under cut.

After airing his grievances to Twitter, Kevin rests his head on the steering wheel as the tears continue to stream down his face. Consumed with emotion, he didn't notice Sami standing outside the passenger side of the car until the sound of the door opening and closing makes him jump. "Get out!" Kevin screams, his shrill voice echoing throughout the vehicle as he wrestles with Sami trying to push him out, but Sami overpowers him, gripping his wrists firmly.

"Kevin, relax." Sami soothes, releasing his grip on Kevin's wrists.

"Don't tell me to relax!" Kevin counters, his voice shaking with rage. "You have no idea what I've been through and it's all your fault!"

Sami knew Kevin would be upset and rightfully so, but he's always up for the challenge. He takes Kevin's hand into his own and is surprised when Kevin doesn't snatch it away. "You're right, Kev." Sami replies softly, maintaining a calm tone. "I should've been there for you, but I'm here now and I want to make it up to you." A gleam emerges in his honey eyes as he falls to his knees between Kevin's legs, pulling his shorts down before taking Kevin's limp dick into his mouth.

Before Kevin has time to process what's happening, Sami's hot mouth and tongue is swirling around his hardening cock. "Oh fuck, Sami!" He cries out in pleasure, hands tangling in Sami's soft ginger curls, completely forgetting what they were arguing about.

Sami smirks against Kevin's cock, feeling it growing bigger as he relaxes his throat, bobbing his head up and down with a satisfied hum as it pulsates in Sami's mouth, indicating his impending release.

"Sami." Kevin breathes, his head falling back against the headrest as he fucks Sami's face, gripping the back of his head tightly. "I'm going to cum. Sami, I'm-" His sentence dying on his lips as his orgasm washes over him, a loud guttural moan piercing the silence as he spurts his warm seed down Sami's throat, slumping back on the chair.

Sami swallows every last drop, licking Kevin clean. A few drops manage to get in Sami's beard as he pulls Kevin into a fiery kiss, wanting him to taste himself. When their lips part, their eyes meet in a heated gaze. "Get in the backseat." Sami whispers seductively.

A shiver runs down Kevin's spine as he obeys, crawling into the backseat with Sami in tow. He has never gotten undressed so fast in his life, his heart pounding in his chest as a now naked Sami pulls him into his lap. They kiss soft and deep as Kevin sits on Sami's hard cock, feeling it sink deep inside him, stretching him open after months of being apart. A mixture of pleasure and pain coursing through his body.

Sami moans at how tight Kevin is, knowing he's the only man Kevin has been with the past eight months, no wonder he's so grumpy. His gaze drifting up to Kevin's as he starts to move, holding Kevin's hips. "You've missed my cock, haven't you mon cher?" He asks softly.

"Oui." Kevin replies, breathless, wrapping his legs tightly around Sami's waist to allow deeper penetration as he grinds on Sami's lap, feeling himself get hard again.

"That's it baby, ride my cock." Sami coaxes, hands moving from Kevin's hips to his ass, giving it a firm squeeze and spreading his cheeks a little wider. "You're so tight, Kev." He adds softly, picking up the pace.

Kevin obeys, rolling his hips against Sami's. A soft moan spills from his lips as Sami cups his buttocks, thrusting into him hard and deep, making the car rock. "Sami, I-I'm going to cum again." He warns as Sami hits Kevin's sweet spot with each rough stroke. "Cum with me."

Sami releases Kevin's bottom and starts to jerk Kevin off, his thick meaty cock swollen as it throbs in Sami's hand, pre-cum dripping from the tip as more soon follows, coating Sami's palm and a little on his chest, but he doesn't care, all that matters is Kevin's happiness.

Now that Kevin is satisfied, it's Sami's turn. He grips Kevin's hips roughly and with a few hard thrusts, finds his release. Pumping Kevin's tight hole with his hot seed, filling him up. He remains inside Kevin until his dick goes limp, holding him in his arms, feeling Kevin's heartbeat so close to his as their breathing starts to regulate.

Once the pair locate their respective clothing strewn across Kevin's rental car (he'd have to do a deep cleaning before returning it), Sami turns to Kevin and asks: "Do you forgive me?" To which Kevin smirks, giving Sami's chin a playful squeeze. "You're off the hook...for now."

Tagging: @loki69zowens, @wrestlingdespairings, @unintentionaloracle, @who-do-you-want-to-be, @littleppl444, @himbos-hotline, @expert-texpert, @wrestlingprincess80, @instantreplaytime, @crxssjae, @sami-uso, @jeysbvck, @surdelcielo, @thesamoanqueen, @fantasyismyonlyrealescape, @caktusjuice-draws and @eleanor24. Thank you for reading, as always! 😊💖

[thewhumpcaretaker]

I need Santino x John for my soul to heal

More hurt/comfort with them because YES, something I had in mind... what do you think? 👀

Santino got hurt but it like brought him a flashback of his childhood of how his father hurt him in a very similar way. So, not only he has a panic attack, but he cries. Like actually he is experiencing this on such an emotional level that he can't even process anything that's happening around him. And John tries to talk to him, wanting to hold him but he can clearly see Santino is just... not here with him. And he feels so bad, and all he can do is make soothing noises and kiss his forehead trying to get him to snap back out of it and to calm down. Plus Santino is hurt, he has to try and help him with that too :(

WOAH okay, more childhood trauma for Santino, I feel so bad for putting him through stuff like this but, John is here for him 😭

Aaaaaaaaa I liked this ask so much I wrote it immediately. Can you tell I like it when Santino is totally broken hahaaaa...and put back together again by John 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

This is about to be really dark and sad!!

TW: panic attack, crying, concussion, vomiting, discussion of past physical and emotional abuse by a parent

●・○・●・○・●

The sky was a slate gray expanse over the empty dirt lot where John Wick and his husband were locked in battle with a group of Tarasovs. They were mid-fight when John looked over to see Santino pinned face down. The man on top of him, much bigger and stronger than Santino, had his hand on the back of his head and was deliberately smashing his face into the ground. He brought it up and then down again, hard, and rubbed his nose right into the dirt and rocks so he almost couldn't breathe. It wasn't the most painful position - certainly not more so than being shot or stabbed, which Santino had dealt with before. But it looked fucking humiliating, and he made a sound that told John he had to do something immediately. Not the normal grunts of battle, but something desperate and high pitched. John saw red.

Enough messing around. He snapped the neck of the woman he was wrestling and charged him, knocking him off Santino's back and giving him two swift shots to the chest, point blank, then one straight into the skull. John slowly straightened up, panting, and glanced around at the bodies fallen on all sides. That was the last of them, and he was dead for sure. Good riddance.

Santino was still on the ground. He'd curled his legs up under him and was doubled over, his eyes hidden behind his curls. He was rocking back and forth and just…sobbing. Panicking, yes, but far worse than usual. Taking huge, heaving gasps of air with his hands clutching at his chest like he was having a heart attack.

"Hey, hey, hey!" John dropped to his knees next to him and rested an arm around his shoulders. "He's dead. You're safe." But he barely responded. He was really rattled this time, almost hysterical. "You've gotta calm down, love. Breathe."

His answer was barely directed at John. He just seemed far away, gasping out words to no one in particular. "No…lo so…io…no no no no per favore… [No…I know…I…no no no no please…]" If he said anything else, it was incoherent with sobbing.

John couldn't tell if it was from the dirt in his mouth or another wave of fear but he suddenly turned away and started vomiting.

"Shit! Santino! What's happening? How bad did he hurt you?" He rubbed his back. Why was this happening? Did he have organ damage?

As soon as he could talk, he snapped at John in response. "He didn't, okay!? I'm not hurt. I'm - " Santino shuddered violently and hid his head in his hands. Whatever was wrong, he really didn't want to say it.

John took no offense. He just pulled Santino's head into his lap, petting his hair and wiping dirt off his forehead before leaning down to plant kisses on it in the hope of consoling him. He was hurt, to some extend - there were cuts on his cheeks from being smashed against bits of gravel. But there was clearly more going on. "Take your time. I'm here. Whatever's wrong, I'll help you, okay?" But he just kept crying. "Was there…was there something about getting pushed into the ground like that…?"

Santino went very still and finally nodded, very slowly. The crying stopped, but John was pretty sure it was because he was holding his breath. After a minute, he exhaled and managed to talk, still gasping. "That was something - that my father used to do. When I was - very little. He'd shove my face - in the ground. And slam my head - " Tears cut him off again and he couldn't continue.

John squeezed his hand involuntarily, overcome with rage for a moment. "Fucking bastard," he muttered, almost too low to hear.

Santino gave a choked little laugh. That was the first thing that seemed to make him feel any better. "Yeah. Yeah, he is. It was just, you know. To make me feel like - dirt." His face twisted up again and he hid it in his hands. "I'm so sorry. I'm really losing it. I don't know why that hit me so hard…"

"No." John's voice was hard, protective. "Not your fault. I just want to help you feel better." John pulled him up into his arms, embracing him completely. "You're here with me, okay? You're safe. I won't ever let him hurt you again."

Santino's hands grabbed fistfuls of John's coat, overcome with indignance and shame. "I AM dirt. I'm worthless. All these years later and I still get pinned like that and can't fight back! And I made a mess…"

"You're NOT worthless. You're my wonderful husband. The best man I've ever known. You're so brave. It's not your fault other people have hurt you." John was crying too now, into his hair, just petting him and holding him. The compassion he felt was too deep to contain. "I'm so sorry. You should never have had to go through that."

It seemed to get through to him. His grip relaxed and he buried his head into John neck, sighing and sniffling. "I made you cry too…I'm sorry…"

Just, "No. No apologies. I love you."

"I love you too." After a long moment, he spoke again. "...John?"

"Yeah?"

"My head really hurts. I'm pretty sure...I have a concussion. I - I can tell what this feels like..."

John fought down more fury. He didn't miss the fact that Santino recognized the feeling. Had probably felt it before... He had to take a few deep breaths to calm the blind rage that was making him grip Santino almost too tightly. "We'll get you to a doctor, okay?"

"Thank you. I don't deserve you, John." He sounded miserable but at least the tears were starting to subside.

"You do." One day he would make him believe it.

[lemon-russ]

I have finally made more of The Gays (tm). And now with smut!

Bone apple teeth~

Taglist: @sleepyfan-blog @undeaddream @scriberye (And i didnt have taglists before but since i tagged you guys before i assume you wanna know lol @ms--lobotomy @bispecsual)

Emperor's Saint (Pt. 3)

Prev || Next || Ao3

Fem!Custodes x Fem!Reader

CW: GAY, SUPER SAPPHIC GAY, FxF sex, Fingering, Eating out, what you expect from women fucking, plots real thin today ngl

Summary: Hera and The diplomat return to the ship and have a very normal evening of gals being pals in her quarters.

Word count: 4,290 (women take so long to fuck this is so much quicker with astartes)

“Thank you as always, Ambassador.” Guilliman says as you hand him the signed contracts. You made it back in one piece to the flagship, your new golden guard standing happily vigilant near a wall of Guilliman’s office.

The Primarch glances up from his work as he takes the paperwork, then knits his brow. “Hm? Are you well, Ambassador?” He asks as he studies your face.

You suppress a groan as you hear Heraclast suddenly push from the wall she was leaning on, now alert. You had been blushing and flustered the whole way to his office. Hera had been on a tangent on the way over about how she would wrestle with her custodes siblings for fun and how they always did so in loincloths only, to make it harder to get grabs in.

Needless to say the imagery had set your mind on fire. You could barely manage to reassure Hera your faintness and flushing was not a medical emergency, and now here was Guilliman, saying Hera’s trigger words again.

“I’m fine.” You tell the Primarch, trying to keep your voice even. “Just a little warm.”

“My Lady-” Heraclast says quietly, already behind you and placing a very unhelpful hand on your shoulder. “Will you not humor me and go to the medicae? Just to be assured of your health?” She pleads softly, her voice lower and sweet with concern.

Guilliman raises his brow as you flush even harder, his eyes going to Hera’s hand, then back to your face. He has the faintest smile as he processes the situation.

“Maybe your Shield has the right idea.” He says with a small chuckle, smirking a little in amusment. You grimace as you feel Hera’s grip on your arm tighten slightly. Betrayed by your own Primarch.

“Sir, I really am fine-” you try to argue, but it’s too late. Hera is already urging you out the door.

“Come, my lady, it will not take long, just to make sure you did not pick up any foreign illnesses in your journey.” She says, looking down at you with a soft frown and worried eyes. The sight makes your heart stutter again, and you shoot a glare back at Guilliman.

He is smiling, leaning back in his chair and chuckling to himself as you are hurried out his door. “Take care, Ambassador. You shouldn’t let your Shield have to worry so much.” He teases, and he actually has the gall to wink before turning back to his papers.

You scowl at him as the doors close. Betrayal. Cruel, backstabbing betrayal.

____________________________

“Hera I'm fine” you reassure her once again. She was pouting, sitting and watching you from the corner of your now shared quarters. You’d gone to the Medicae and were given a clean bill of health, much to Heraclast’s annoyance.

You sat at your vanity mirror, taking out the intricate braids Hera wove for you earlier from your hair. It seemed to take you more time to unwind them than it did for her to make them, and they kept tangling due to the complexity.

Hera huffs a bit, “Baseline medics, they haven't an idea what they're doing.” She grumbles as she pulls her chair with her, sitting behind you and gently moving your hands from your hair. She starts undoing the braids easily, still pouting to herself.

“They didn't even check for strange diseases, or take your blood, they barely looked you over.” She complains quietly.

Her hands gently tugging and running through your hair makes your shoulders slump in relaxation. You chuckle softly. You've never seen a custodes sulk before.

She huffs, and you watch in the mirror as her soft green eyes follow her fingers as they untangle your hair. You’re momentarily mesmerized by the way her hands move, the twitching of her forearm muscles as she works out the knots, and the way her pout makes her tense her sharp jaw.

Her eyes flick up from her work to meet yours in the mirror, and you suddenly find the chipping paint on your vanity veryinteresting. But not before Hera could clearly see the admiration in your eyes. You feel warm crawl into your cheeks as she softly smiles.

“Though, maybe I'm just worrying about the wrong causes for you always turning red and flustered, hm…?” She teases gently, running her fingers down your scalp and through your now free flowing hair.

Your eyes widen and meet hers in the mirror again, and she grins mischievously back.

“I have no idea what you mean.” You mumble, glancing away.

Heraclast's grin softens to a warm smile. “Oh, of course, My Lady. My apologies.” She chuckles, rising from her chair and stretching. She walks back to her bed- a large cot brought in after she showed up, She doesn't use it to sleep, but appreciated the thought- and starts unclasping her armor.

As she takes off her shoulder armor and places it gently on the floor, and you find yourself entranced again watching her muscles flex as she carefully lays each heavy piece down.

You turn around to face her, “aren't you going to do a tripple parameter danger check or something before getting defensless?” You ask with a nervous chuckle. She makes such a big deal about always being ready to protect you at a moments notice, it’s odd that she’d just get unarmed.

“Aboard the Ultramarine flagship?” She returns with a smirk. “Don't worry, I've done my research on all the marines currently aboard, and accessed all security records for the area and cross checked them with their schedules. They all behave as expected, and I do not worry about your safety from them.” she says with a gentle chuckle, finally stripped down to her under layer. She pulls off her tight silk top and you have to look away again.

There was a small knock on your door, drawing both of your attention. You start to stand but Hera is already at the door.

A somewhat Surprised Ultramarine stands in the doorway, brow raised as he has to look up at the massive woman. “Ah- apologies, I was looking for the Ambassador…?”

You sigh and join Hera at the door. “Hello, Andred.” You say politely. Your former bodyguard looks between the shirtless, massive, only dressed in a chest wrap custodes woman and your messy haired, slip wearing self.

“M-my lady.” He says, clearing his throat as his cheeks grow pink. “I, um, did not mean to intrude, I will come back tomorrow-”

You blink a couple times before your own cheeks warm, “oh!” You cover your mouth, “No no, it's not- Andred, this is my new bodyguard-” you say quickly.

His shoulders relax and he lets out a held breath. “Ah- of course, apologies, my lady…” he says nervously.

Hera grins, clapping him on the shoulder with enough impact to force the marine to balance himself. “Heraclast Ossian, Aquillian Sheild.” She introduces herself cheerfully. “You must be who's job I took! Don't worry, I have her fully protected for the foreseeable future.”

The marine gives a tight smile. “Andred Cestean. It is an honor to meet one of the saints of the Emperor, Sister Ossian.”

Hera tilts her head with a confused smile. “Sister? I do not believe we share any parentage.”

Andred knits his brow. “Oh, um, apologies again. Do Custodians not use familial titles?”

“No? Why would we.” She says with some amusement. “I refer to other custodians as a whole as kin or siblings, but metaphorically. We share no genes. Nor do I share any with you, Cestean. You may call me Heraclast, as all others do.”

Andred gives an apprehensive nod, “Right, of course. A pleasure to meet you, Heraclast.” He flances back to you. “May I borrow the Ambassador alone a moment?”

You smile and nod, happy to have a momentary break from your constant surveillance, but Hera shakes her head, fluffing her short undercut around her chin. “Alone? No. But you're welcome inside. I won't make a peep.” She chuckles, retreating to her cot. You roll your eyes and follow, sitting back at your vanity and brushing your hair.

Andred stands awkwardly just inside the door. “Alright, I suppose…” he mumbles before clearing his throat. “Lady Ambassador, I wanted to ask something of you.” He says, suddenly standing straight and at attention.

You smile and chuckle under your breath. Andred always was a little overly formal with you, but he was kind and respectful, and until Hera was here, he was a good bodyguard while you went about your diplomatic duties. “What is it then?” You ask, looking at him through the mirror as you tied your hair. If you didn't know better you'd think he looked nervous, but astartes don’t get nervous.

He pursed his lips into a line. “My Lady, since I am not in charge of your protection anymore, it would no longer be… a conflict of interests-” his voice actually cracked a little, making you raise an eyebrow, “-for me to ask, would you… would you care to spend more time together?” He finally managed, swallowing hard. “As in, well- romantically?”

You straighten in your seat, eyes going wide.

“Andred, I- I mean, I had no idea-” you stammer slightly as you turn to look at him. You feel the color in your cheeks drain a bit. You had no idea he had romantic feelings. You had no idea astartes got romantic feelings. You really wish he didn't. You considered Andred a friend, but, dating? The thought never once crossed your mind.

As you stammer and stall, Andred slowly deflates, frowning softly as he reads your expression. “Ah. I seem to have… miscalculated.” He says softly.

“No! I mean, well, yes- but-” you try to say, standing from your chair. You reach out to comfort him, but pull your hand back, realizing denying it would hurt him more. “It's not you Andred, Really.” You add a bit softer.

He looks away, taking a deep breath. You can see him trying to hold his heart together in his expression. In the corner of your vision you see Hera watching the scene with rapt attention, chin on her fist and leaning in like she was watching a cheap holodrama.

You try to ignore her. “Really Andred, it's not you, I really consider you my friend, I just-” you press your lips into a line. Your eyes dart back to Hera, and he doesn't miss the look, pressing his lips into a line.

“It's just… there's someone else.” He says softly.

You shake your head, “No, not that- I mean…” you sigh, grimacing as you force yourself to look into his sad eyes. “I just don't see you like that. I'm sorry, Andred.” You say apologetically.

His shoulders fall, deflating from all the confidence he was trying to hold himself up with when he came in. “I…. I see.” He says, glancing at Hera.

Heraclast doesn't even try to pretend she isn't fully engaged in the melodrama, chin on her hands and grinning. When Andred meets her gaze, she at least has the decency to pretend to look sad for him. He rolls his eyes and sighs.

“I'll leave you to your…” he looks you up and down quickly, taking in your state of undress, “…evening, then.” He finishes, trudging to the door.

You frown, scrunching your brow and taking a half step toward him. “Andred, you don't have to go-”

He holds a hand up slightly to stop you. “It's ok. I just misread things and… well, I need to go lick my wounds. I'll be fine.” He says, giving a half-hearted smile.

You frown deeper as he leaves, the door sliding shut behind him and latching with a noise.

Hera giggles impishly from her cot.

“Well, that was interesting.” Hera says with a little too much levity. She flops forward on her bed, head on her hands. “Why’d you turn him down? He seems to like you a lot.” She chuckles.

You sigh, giving her a tired look. “I just… don’t like him like that.” You say, trying not to stare at her chest as the wrap fails to contain her as she lays on her stomach.

She smiles and tilts her head. “Was he right? Is there someone else?” She says teasingly, scooting up on her cot.

You feel your cheeks warm again. “No.” You deny a little too quickly.

Hera blinks, tilting her head the other direction. Her eyes narrow as she studies you, sitting up and leaning forward, making you flush more. You cross your arms and turn away, trying to escape her dissecting gaze.

A playful grin slowly spreads across her face and you see a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.

“Heraclast…?” You rasp, praying to the Emperor silently that she isn’t thinking what you think she’s thinking.

She chuckles, springing up from her cot to stand right in front of you, forcing you to crane your neck up at her. She’s smiling ear to ear, and you freeze as you feel her hand touch the bottom of your chin.

Your whole body feels on fire suddenly, and she’s so close that you’re surrounded by her scent- sweet spice and incense and a little rosewater-

“Is it me….?” She asks in a soft, low voice. Her eyes are warm as they meet yours, half lidded and just a little apprehensive.

You feel like the air has been sucked out of the room, momentarily worrying there is a hull breach siphoning the oxogen from the ship. You can’t lie to her, so imposing and so close and by the throne how can eyes be so green-

You try to swallow, failing to sooth your hot, dry throat.

“Yes.” You manage to squeak, voice barely above a whisper.

She lets out a deep held breath, gaze softening into a tender look. Her eyes flutter down to your lips, and her hand trails from your chin up your jaw, gently caressing your cheek in her calloused palm.

“Good.” She rasps, and your breath is stolen again as her lips envelop yours.

You melt. Her free hand splays over your back, pressing you against her as she cups your face in her other and hungrily moves her lips against yours. Your head feels dizzy, but you finally return her eager kiss, which earns a happy purr from the Custodian.

She moves you with her, the edge of the bed meeting the back of your knees and making you fall back on it as Hera eagerly pushes you back, finally breaking the kiss. You gasp for air, but only get a moment to catch your breath as Hera scoops you under the arms and moves you back farther on the mattress.

She leans over you, catching her own breath in soft pants, warm tanned cheeks darkened with a blush. She smiles playfully, running a thumb over your lips.

“I thought you blushed an awful lot for someone who wasn’t sick.” She chuckles.

You giggle, shy at being caught. “W-well, You keep getting all close to me and saying things and-” you stammer defensively.

She grins, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “And you’re so shy. Never letting me see you undressed, never letting me help bathe you.” She teases in a warm tone. “I feel silly not seeing it, but I suppose it has been a long time since I spent so much time around baselines…” she hums as she trails kisses down your jaw.

You see stars for a moment as her lips pepper your jaw and neck in soft kisses. “In your defense-” you mumble, hands snaking over her toned shoulders. “I was very subtle…” you giggle.

She lets out a low, rumbling chuckle from her chest, pulling back a little to smile down at you.

“Super subtle. So subtle Guilliman sent you to the Medicae to get checked for a fever.”

You laugh shyly, “Okay, well, maybe not very subtle.” You say, sighing as her mouth finds your shoulder, pushing your slip away to plant kisses down to your collarbone.

“Mm, I got there eventually. Only took seeing you completely uninterested in a kind handsome man, and seeing you very subtly look straight to me as you tried to deny having feelings for anyone.” She murmurs against your skin with a chuckle.

You giggle quietly, melting under her and running your hand up the back of her hair. “So… now what…?”

She smiles against you and slips your thin dress further down your arms, exposing more of your chest. “I figured that would be rather self explanatory, My Lady.” She purrs as she follows your dress down with her lips.

You look down at her, suddenly feeling a little bashful. “I mean- now?” You squeak. “Shouldn’t we, like, talk about things…?”

She scrunches her brow, picking her head up to look at you. “What? Why? You like me, I like you. There is a suitable bed for a little baseline here…” she says sweetly, lowering her head to your neck to nuzzle against you.

You bite your lip, head spinning as her hands ran over your waist. “That’s just all you need-?” You rasp, flushing warmer as she nestled her leg between your thighs.

She chuckled, gently nibbling at your neck, “Well, I bought you lunch. That’s a baseline courtship thing, right?” She teased.

You laugh, losing the battle of trying not to fold immediately to the heat pooling between your legs as she gently pushed her knee against you. “Technically, that was my money you paid with.” You chuckle.

She lifts her head again, grinning playfully. “Then you bought me lunch. Thank you, I accept your courtship proposal, My Lady.” She says with mock formality before returning her mouth to kissing the top of your now partially exposed breast.

You moan a little as her hand runs under your slip and over your sensitive nipple. At the sound of you folding to baser needs at last, Hera chuckles and takes it as permission to stop holding back.

She pulls your slip off, surprising you and drawing a soft yelp as it’s pulled over your head and tossed aside. She sits up, caging you in with her arms and admiring your now exposed body with a hungry gaze.

“By the throne…” she Murmurs, running a hand over your stomach. “You’re breathtaking, My Lady.” She says it with such soft admiration, her eyes raking over you so reverently, it causes your mind to wipe blank a moment. The way she calls you My Lady as she’s nestled between your legs like shes kneeling at an altar sends heat straight through you.

You swallow, and reach up to touch her toned arm with a shaky hand. You give her a shy smile, and she sighs and melts as she meets your eyes.

“I like you. And you like me. Your right. That’s enough for me too, Heraclast.” You say gently, squeezing her arm a little.

She lets out a low sigh, leaning in to give you one more soft kiss on your lips before pulling back with a smile and scooting back. She runs her hands from your waist over your thighs and up to your knees.

“Then, allow me to show you how much I have been admiring you, My Lady.” She teases with a smirk, pushing your knees apart gently.

You let out a small squeak as she takes you by the hips, easily lifting your ass up so she can pull your underwear off with her teeth, growling playfully as she slides them down your legs and tosses them aside. Before you have time to blush shes back between your thighs, and you’re taking by surprise again as you feel Hera’s warm tongue running up your center.

Your eyes nearly roll back as she laps over your clit, and she groans a happy sound that vibrates through you. “You taste amazing-” she purrs as she gently bites at your inner thigh. Your hands find the back of her short hair again as a moan escapes you.

She smiles against your thigh and chuckles at your noises, then laps at your lips again, devouring you like your wetness was ambrosia. You fist her hair as she wipes your mind with her mouth, and while you’re being worked into a stupor, the moans and gasps she makes between your legs makes you wonder if she’s somehow enjoying this even more.

Maybe something to do with Custodes competitiveness? The joy of a job well done perhaps? You chuckle internally at the thought before she envelops your clit with her soft lips and you forget how to think again.

She circles your hole with her eager tongue, chuckling into your pussy when it makes you whimper and pull her hair, grinding your hips up to her mouth instinctually.

“By Holy Terra, the sounds you make are so beautiful, My Lady-” she murmurs between lapping at your entrance. “The sweetest symphonies of the finest remembrancers could not capture the melodies of your noises-” She moans into you, drawing another whimper from your chest as she prods her tongue into you and her thumb starts rubbing your aching clit.

You arch your back up, one hand fisted desperately in her warm brown hair, the other grasping at your sheets. You could feel your stomach clutching with heat as she increases her tempo on your clit.

“That’s it- good girl-” she gasps against you. She returns her mouth to your nub, carefully working a finger around your entrance. You moan weakly, feeling her huge finger gently working into you. You never stopped to imagine how a 9 foot tall woman made of 99% muscle mass might be a little harder to get fingered by, but you don’t have time to think about much as she finally pushes it carefully into you.

She licks and sucks at your clit as you whimper and roll your hips on her hand, and she pushes a second finger in as she starts curling them up to meet your inner spot as you buck your hips with increasing desperation.

“Hera-” you gasp, gritting your teeth at the onslaught of sensations. You’re at the edge, breath catching in high, airy cries as she pumps her fingers into your clenching pussy. “Hera, close, I’m-” you plead.

She groans, increasing her rhythm into you and lapping at your clit in long, slow licks. She looks up at you from between your legs with burning emerald eyes, half lidded in ecstasy from being buried in your sweet pussy.

“Good girl-” she grumbles, “Let go, let me serve you-” she hums as she sucks your clit, gently letting it graze her teeth. She meets your eyes as she laps up your lips again. “Come, My Lady. Don’t hold back.” She purrs. She pushes her fingers deeper, stilling their pumping as she pets your gspot while sucking hard and rhythmically on your clit.

You’re pretty sure you die for a moment, eyes rolling back as she pushes you over the edge. When your ears start ringing less a few moments later, you realize you’re screaming her name. Your body trembles as she works you relentlessly, riding out your orgasm and making you cry out for her again as you clench hard around her fingers.

When your moans turn to whimpering she finally lets you collapse. She pulls her fingers out, making you twitch at the empty feeling, and props her chin on your lower belly, mouth soaked and grinning as she pants to catch her breath.

“Have I mentioned how much I enjoy that nickname?” She murmurs, planting a languid kiss inside your knee.

You hum out a mmm? Weakly. She chuckles warmly, smiling reverently down at your fuck drunk face. “That nickname you gave me. Hera.” She clarifies.

She pulls herself up next to you, pulling your head to rest on her chest and petting your hair. “The name you call out when you come, the name you say so sweetly when you’re annoyed with me.” She chuckles softly.

You blink as your mind slowly pieces itself back together, looking up at her from where you’re nestled between her breasts. “What do you mean…?” You mumble.

“No one else calls me Hera. Just Heraclast, or Ossian.” She says, smiling sweetly and brushing fingers down your cheek. “You calle me Heraclast when you speak to others, or when we’re being formal. But I adore that when you fluster and blush, I’m Hera.” She leans down and kisses the top of your hair.

You giggle softly, nuzzling into her soft chest. “I didn’t realize I was doing that…” you say with a contented sigh.

Hera hums into your hair. “Mm, I know. That’s why it’s so cute. You gave me a pet name almost immediately and then pretended not to be head over heels for me for days.” She teases, rubbing your back soothingly.

Your eyelids grow heavy with exhaustion, nestled against her chest and being soothed so gently. “Mmm… I was… very subtle…” you protest drowsily.

She chuckled, making her chest move around your face. “Yes, very subtle, My Lady.” She said with a soft sigh, right as sleep overtook you.

[barlowstreet]

If you could rewrite tlou season 2 what would happen in it?

You trying to get me in trouble, anon? :P Just for the record, this is the only time I'm gonna answer this and this is also the answer to "if you were to write a tlou2/season 2 fix-it fanfic what would it be" because I am also never gonna do that.

Putting this under a cut for long

Okay, so my opinion is that killing Joel off is cheap and boring and honestly just cruel. I think it is much harder and more complicated and complex to make people actually live with their choices and the consequences of their choices. Death is easy, in fiction.

If you want a completely different plot, I might go with Ellie finds out about Joel lying to her (and I wouldn't do a long estrangement, but I might let her believe it longer) and then have her leave. Maybe she hears about another Firefly group and tries to go track them down. You could have Joel following her or something, even, adding conflict between them or you could have him catch her to her fairly fast and her make him pick going with her or she never speaks to him again.

Then let her choose. There's more than one doctor in the world, and if it's been long enough, why couldn't they find another that thinks they could do it? Bring them back to the same place narratively, but separate her and Joel again and let her choose. Make it long enough that she has friends and you can still put in Jesse and Dina and whatever you want, like give her family and things to live to. Make her not a suicidal fourteen year old, let her actually heal some of her trauma, and let her realize "Oh, shit this is not okay."

If you wanna be really mean, you could make it so she has to choose between the vaccine and Joel. I dunno, maybe have her realize the Fireflies are going to kill him so he doesn't stop them again.

OR my other idea would be basically the same thing as it's doing (minus the... really dumb plot points like 2 people patrols) except Ellie only thinks Joel is dead. Kinda like spiral fractures, except I would make him actually pretty hurt. Like almost a coma, they don't know if he's gonna wake up, etc.

Because I think Abby would be a lot more interesting as a character (and actually redeemable) if she gets to the point of nearly killing Joel but then not being able to actually do it. Imagine she's standing over him, he's bleeding on the floor, helpless, and all she can hear is Ellie begging for her dad not to die, and all she can see is her own dad, and she can't do it. She can't make another girl a fatherless daughter.

Have Ellie go after Abby the same as she does, but the whole time, have Ellie think Joel is dead. Honestly you could speed up the timeline and have her burning so hot with revenge that she's following Abby while still hurt, half-killing herself in the process. She just has to believe Joel is dead.

Then in their confrontations they BOTH have to be wrestling with guilt and grief and, you know, do whatever you want with that. But Ellie eventually still makes the choice to stop, though I'd let Abby taunt her about Joel maybe being alive and her leaving him to increase the guilt, but let Ellie think he's dead and still choose to stop the revenge thing because she can see how endless it is and she wants to choose to be better.

It's choices and what she does have to offer the world. Have Abby scream at her about how unfair it is that she had her dad and her family and a really amazing little town and she's still so unhappy, and okay, you didn't make a vaccine, so what did you do to make your life so worthwhile? I think it'd be good to really emphasize that what Ellie has is what Abby wants so, so badly. Accuse her of wasting it and not appreciating it, like echo Marlene saying, "Don't waste this gift" to Joel.

Honestly, let Abby forgive Ellie for being alive, even. Like maybe not for the killing her dad thing, but for just being another kid in a messed up world who didn't deserve to die. Let her look at this kid who's younger than her and still just a messed up kid and let her forgive her for living and tell her to go home and live.

And then when Ellie goes home to Jackson, obviously he's not dead, and she sits at his hospital bed and says she forgives him or is going to try to forgive him, whatever you want. She falls asleep on the bed, and she's woken up by a voice going, "Hey, kiddo."

Smash cut to black, end of show.

Because the act of forgiving someone for something that is unforgiveable is always going to be more interesting when they're alive to deal with the consequences than if they're dead. It just is. Redemption through death is boring.

Also no homophobic Joel.

[rooksstuff]

Family - Emmrich Volkarin PT2

"I want to have your children."

A gaping silence, Emmrich's face slack, rampant thoughts a mess as Lillian's face turns redder by the second, ruddy face already turning ruddier.

"I-I mean- I don't- I mean I do! But, I just- it's- I want-! I-I-Isaysomethingplease!" Her voice is shrill, edging on hyperventilating as Emmrich says nothing, looking at her blankly, mouth dropped open still. "I-I-nevermind. No. Forget it!" She shoves a hand into his face, pushing him away as she grabs a pillow to cover her face.

"My dear-" He moves, gripping her pillow to tug it away, but it remains firmly lodged in place. "Darling-" He grunts as he tries to wrestle the pillow away, but she doesn't want him to see her, red faced with tears welling in her eyes. "Lily!" Her head snaps up at that, his tug sends the pillow flying as he grabs her by the chin, rings pressing into her cheek as he turns her head towards him, before he reaches up to brush away a stray curl sticking to her cheek from her tears. "You must give me time to process things. Your brilliance surpasses mine at times, so your mind may run through things faster. That is not a rejection." He presses his forehead to her own. "Now," His free hand takes hers. "was this what was occupying your thoughts today? You were rather distracted."

"Ahsufnidus" She squeaks out, burying her face in her hands, and Emmrich simply chuckles, standing to slide behind her on the lounger, fingers going to play in her hair.

"I suppose we are getting rather serious," He admits, braiding her locks alongside her head. "It would be a prudent, to discuss this." He pauses in his braiding. "Is this something you want? Not a random thought, of "I should have children", is it?"

"No, I... was observing you today, with the kids in the Diamond, and... I couldn't stop thinking about you, and... me... and kids..." She murmurs, fingers linking with his when he reaches for one of her hands. "I mean... Manfred is basically our kid... and I just couldn't help but think about... having kids, being pregnant, with you." She says softly, her eyes focusing on the wall before her. "I... how much do you know about my past?"

"Not much, I suppose. I know there was a flood of magic in the Ingellvar crypts- enough to draw attention from Vorgoth. That when he went to investigated, he returned with a babe- you. And... when he learned of our paramour, he took me aside to explain to me about your relationship with Arthur, and how it ended."

"Ah..."

"I'm truly sorry." He says, and she grimaces, shaking her head.

"I don't... have a family." She says softly, her voice weak as Emmrich stiffens. "Vorgoth raised me, obviously, but there is nobody who... knows me. Is related to me... shares my blood. I feel... empty, and alone." She grabs another pillow, clutching it to her chest. "I don't want to have a kid, just because they'll share my blood, but at the same time... having someone who is... part me? It's something I want, more than anything in the world." She admits. "I don't want to feel so alone."

"Darling," He winds his arms around her, clutching her to his chest like she did with the pillow. "you will never be alone, again, for as long as I live." He promises, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I personally would love to see a child with your curls, and smile, that mischievous one that you make right before annihilating a group of foes with one cast of magic."

"As long as they get your nose." She turns in his arms, reaching up to gently trace her fingers across his nose. "And maybe your eye color." She places gentle kisses over his eyelids, thinking about how often other kids of the Necropolis teased her over her heterochromatic gaze and black sclera.

"I love your eyes! Why deny our child them?" He asks, tutting as he leans in to press a kiss over her eyelids in return.

"Because I know what it's like, to be tormented for something like my eyes." She replies, burying her head in his chest. "So, you do want them?" She glances up at him. "Kids, I mean. With... me?"

"Darling, I love you. I would love any child of ours, blood or not, and I would be honored to have them with you, if that is what you wish." He traces his hands up and down her back. "You make me happy, and I would wish that I could return one tenth of that happiness, in any way you'd wish of me." She smiles, cheeks flooding with pink as she presses her face to his chest, ear to his heart, listening to the frantic beat slow as she slowly starts to get drowsy.

"I love you, Emmrich." She murmurs, almost silently, and he hums in response, showing how tired he is as well.

"And I love you, Dearest." He winds his arms around her. "Let's get ready for bed, shall we?" He chuckles as she pinkens once more, a heavy weight lifted from her shoulders as she nods, slowly standing only for Emmrich to draw her back to him, holding her face close to his, bringing her in for a long, sweet, sensual kiss that leaves her toes curling in her boots. Things would be okay.